Black Music Month Series, Marriage, Sex

Between the Sheets

Disclaimer: Today’s EmpowerMoment is for the MATURE and MARRIED folks! We are going to discuss something that rarely gets any pulpit time…

Over a year ago I attended a women’s retreat with my church. I’ve been to several retreats in the past, but nothing as amazing as that purging, life changing experience.  During one of the sessions, the facilitators gave us a packet to fill out. The questionnaire was for not for anyone else to review, rather it was a chance for us to really examine what was at the core of a lot of our issues. (There is something very cathartic about pouring your heart out on paper.) The packet started off with basic questions like your name, age, Christian experience, etc. I was breezing through the questions thinking, “This is a piece of cake!” Then the questions started to get a little more intense asking things about our past…you know those “have you ever” questions that anyone with a checkered past dreads so much! But even those questions were easy to answer as most of it I had already discussed at one time or another. It was until around page 8 that I got a little stuck. The question read, “Are you sexually frigid?” Honestly, I wasn’t even sure what the question meant so I skipped over it to come back to it later. After all, that’s what we were taught in regards to our standardized tests, right? After completing the rest of the packet, I returned to that question and pondered it for a while. I was still drawing a blank. I knew what sexually meant and I knew what frigid meant, but what exactly did they mean together? At that moment, my heart began pounding fast and my throat tightened. That was a clear indication that I NEEDED to know what this question meant. I raised my hand and asked for clarification…

“What does this mean” pointing to the page 8? “Sexually frigid means being cold in bed…ummm kind of acting like you really don’t want to be there.”  Maybe my facial expression said guilty as charged or maybe God moved her spirit, but she instantly slipped into a profound prayer. I’m convinced it was the latter because the things that she prayed only He would have known. Page number 8 forever changed my life and marriage…

The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  (1 Corinthians 7:3-5 NLT)

Yes, I was indeed guilty of being sexually frigid. Sex was a pawn that I used to get what I wanted and when things didn’t go my way, I withdrew. Sometimes I would only engage because I knew what 1 Corinthians said and wanted to act like I was obeying it. But it was just as if I was disobeying God because my heart and mind were not engaging with my body.

In her book, For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn explains that men need fulfilling sex to feel loved, desired and confident.  It is important that we give the kings in our lives the boost they need to face the challenges that they meet on a daily basis. I once read this quote that I replay anytime the enemy is trying to convince me that I don’t want or need to satisfy my husband: “satan loves marriage without sex just as much as he loves sex without marriage.” In essence, fornication and withholding in marriage have the same detrimental effect and leave no one happy but the devil! Page number 8 changed my life and marriage in more ways than one. I implore you to take my advice and change yours!

Dear Daddy,

Please forgive me for the times that I didn’t do what you commanded me as a wife to do. Remind me daily that my body is not my own. Give me burning desire for the man who You created just for me! Thank You for the wonderful gift of sex! In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Ladies, today I EMPOWER to you get BETWEEN THE SHEETS! EMPOWER your husband’s confidence by giving him what he needs to face the world. EMPOWER your marriage by vowing to have a healthy, active and happy sex life!

P.S. Visit our friends over at Christian Nymphos if you need some ideas!

Turn on The Isley Brother’s “Between the Sheets” and celebrate Black Music Month with your hubby in between the sheets!

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Mrs. Kristen Harris is a wife, mother, entrepreneur and dedicated servant.  She is extremely passionate about women’s spiritual advancement, hence the founding of EmpowerMoments.  As an avid reader, Kristen enjoys reading the Bible more than anything. Her driving inspiration is when God says to her: “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  (Jeremiah 29:11) She currently resides outside of Chicago, Illinois with her wonderful husband and two lovely daughters where she is an active member of New Life Covenant Church.

21 thoughts on “Between the Sheets”

  1. Raw, real….I will keep this in mind when I embark on my marriage. Thanks for addressing this issue.

  2. HAVE MERCY JESUS!!! I am so astounded because I was just meditating this morning on next week’s post about the “good side” of marriage. Then I saw this. Whew Lord. CON-FIR-MAY-SHUN!!!

    Anywho, I like “satan loves marriage without sex just as much as he loves sex without marriage.” This speaks volumes because he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I love this post because marriage cultivation is real and necessary.

    Awesome post……………readers, stay tuned.

    1. LOL ! CON-FIR-MAY-SHUN!!! Yes, Kay God has me on this healthy marriage kick as well. Too many failed marriages and its time for the us to stand up!!!

      That quote about what satan loves is one of my favorites too. And he surely TRIED to steal the joy and pleasure of sex from us. That fool literally HIT BELOW THE BELT! BUT God has given me power to trample on his head!!! YAY!

      Thanks for your comment Kay!

      1. Kay, Don’t use the bedroom as your only form of communication. Remember that intimacy starts before the bedroom. It starts with a light touch, a sly smile, a wink of the eye, or a knowing nod. It continues with holding hands in the grocery store, a twilight stroll, a quick pat on the rump. It moves to laughing at life together or crying through each others sorrows. The bedroom becomes the crescendo.

  3. This was a hot and steamy post LOL Maybe I should not have read this as a single woman 🙂 But for all you married ladies… Have at it!

  4. I truly enjoyed this post! I have been married for almost three years and I am always amazed by the lack of guilt that I feel after intimacy. I love the statement “Satan love marriage without sex…”. I will keep that in mind. I am going to visit that suggested website!

    Continue empowering!


    1. Thanks Patrice!

      Girl you better use that (marriage) license and DRIVE girl!!! I know I was out here driving without a license before I got married–just ILLEGAL!!!! But now that its LEGAL, all us married women everywhere need to be going on week long road trips! 🙂

      Congrats on three years of marriage. We are praying for you and your husband for a lifetime of LOVE…and LOVE-MAKING! 🙂


  6. This is what I LOVE about this ministry. REAL TALK about REAL WOMEN with REAL LIFE SITUATIONS…..and thank you!!….because like you said, this topic would never be spoken from the pulpit. I love and appreciate the honesty and the rawness of this post. Stay blessed. Your sister in Christ, Dee

    1. Thanks Dee for your continued support. You are truly a gem!!! We try so hard to share our lives with each of you just so you all can be FREE and walk victoriously! Honestly, its hard for me to share ALL of my business with the virtual world…but when I read comments like yours and all the others posted here, I know this is less about how I feel exposing myself and more about DELIVERANCE, LIBERTY, JOY, PEACE and SALVATION for every woman who ever reads an EM! Love you so much!!!!

  7. ….and on a side note, can you throw me 1 or 2 more scriptures to kind of diffuse the anger because just this morning, I had to dismiss another “potential and maybe” husband material when the INSTANT I discuss with him that this divorced, single 45 yr. old would NOT engage in pre-marital sex because of my faith and in what I believe in – – he goes R-U-N-N-I-NG for the hills and the coward sends me a TEXT!! with the words….”No, I’m not into that, you need to find someone in church if that’s what you want”. To keep it honest, the Puerto Rican in me wanted to fire off, but then I instantly understood that God revealed this man’s TRUE character and obviously he was not the one for me…..(still quite mad though)…..thanking you in advance for letting me vent…..whewwww!!

    1. Dee,
      First off, let me commend you for choosing to honor God and His word by abstaining from sex until you are married again. Secondly, thank you for sharing your story becaues I am more than certain that you are not the only with this scenario. Now onto the scriptures…Let me encouagae and EMPOWER you by reminding that you ARE doing the RIGHT thing and Galatians 6:9 tells us not to become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up>>>you are going to reap that GOOD MAN that is willing to wait if you dont give up!!!

      When I read your comment, the first thing that came to mind was how you are WAITING on God to deliver and in the meantime you have to stand still. So listed below are some scriptures fto EMPOWER DEE…

      Psalm 25:3 — No one who hopes in you
      will ever be put to shame,
      but shame will come on those
      who are treacherous without cause.

      Psalm 27:14–Wait for the LORD;
      be strong and take heart
      and wait for the LORD.

      Lametations 3:25–25 The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.

      (I am emailing you as well.)

  8. Im a single woman & completely agree w/your post & Quote. I find it funny that women I know all while they were single did anything big & bad that the bedroom or outside of the bedroom had to offer (swung from the chandliers, cartwheels, somersaults, etc lol) now that they’re married w/a license to get down they become shy or rigid! REALLY??? Thanks 4 helping them GET IT TOGETHER!

  9. Okay I know that this EmpoweMoment is for those who are married, but a message lies in there for me. I’m in a relationship where my mate is in another state and me of course I’m in the Big city Chicago. I decided to share my goodies with my boyfriend only. A lot of guys from past flings, and I guess relationships want to text and call. I decided to write all of that off and focus on myself. Once I lay down with these guys and let them enter my temple I feel like it’s not making love but just the heat of the moment. When that day comes for me to be married at least I’ll be ready. Thanks Krissy

    1. Hey Amber,

      Please let me say this: I am no stranger to the danger of giving away pieces of me before marriage. And for that reason, I know the lasting effects that doing so can have on you and your future marriage (refer to Aint No Feeling Like Being Free.) Please be careful about the the soul ties that you create with your exes or even your current boyfriend. I know this is much easier said than done, but you can do ALL things through Christ and Im praying for you!

  10. I have JUST this week started my own blog about the very last year of my forties. Am I glad that I found this honest, candid and morally grounded site of yours! With this post you’ve inspired me to write just as honestly – who knows what change one can make in someone else’s life by sharing your own mistakes, experiences, misgivings, etc.!! This year I celebrate my 30th wedding anniversary (yeah, it is possible to survive that long!!) and trust me – my husband should come and thank you for this post ’cause his life is about to get MUUUCH better! 🙂

    1. Amy, Thanks so much for stopping by! We are so convinced that it is not by chance or happenstance that you found us…

      Congrats on starting your new blog; I will definitely be stopping by to check you out!

      I am so excited for you and your hubby!! Congrats on almost 30 years…thats such an incredible blessing! (I need to glean from you 🙂 ). Oh and tell him, I said he’s welcome 😉 Have FUN!!!!

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