Faith, God's Grace, God's Love, God's Mercy, Single Parents, Spirit of Rejection, Trusting God

Send her away.

I am a single mother. If you would have told me three years ago that I (the I am never having sex before marriage woman) would be a single parent I would have never believed you.   In fact before I had my son, I must admit, I was extremely critical of some women who had children outside of marriage. This was during my hypercritical Super Christian days when I was still a virgin and at that time I was only focused on the law and not grace. I judged those women, because 9 times out of 10 the father of the child was “no good” before the woman ever got pregnant.  I figured she had to know that this situation was not going to work (judgment).  I’ve always been told: “just live a little longer” and see where life takes you.

Just three years ago I was a virgin, in a committed relationship with a believer and a junior in college. My life was like a fairytale. Then the fairytale ended. My boyfriend and I broke up. My parents divorced and when I was on the verge of graduation the economy took a nosedive.  With all of the pressure I wish I could say that I just prayed my way through. Instead I cried, whined and rebelled. WHERE was God? I also tried to reach out to a family member who I had lost touch with and kept getting rejected. The void in my heart turned me from God; I could not understand how He could watch me trying to reconcile this broken relationship and not step in to mend my broken heart.

I soon was introduced to Nathan who was all too eager to let me cry on his shoulders and in his bed.  My spirit was at war with my decisions, but every night I stayed with him. I silenced that voice, because I wanted to feel love from a person (even if it was fleeting). I soon found myself pregnant by a not so happy father-to-be.  The minute he found out I was pregnant he began trying to talk me into not keeping the baby. I was told not to get too attached to the idea of keeping the child because my salary was not enough to support one. I was told that my family would not be supportive and he already had other children to support.  All of this reminded me of Hagar:

She (Sarah) said to Abraham, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son, for that slave woman’s son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac.” The matter distressed Abraham greatly because it concerned his son. But God said to him, “Do not be so distressed about the boy and your maidservant. Listen to whatever Sarah tells you, because it is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned. I will make the son of the maidservant into a nation also, because he is your offspring.” Early the next morning Abraham took some food and a skin of water and gave them to Hagar. He set them on her shoulders and then sent her off with the boy. She went on her way and wandered in the desert of Beersheba. (Genesis 21:10-14 NIV)

Keep in mind Hagar was a slave, meaning she had zero, zippo, nada funds to support her son. Not only was she a slave but Abraham who was quite wealthy sent her away with a cup of water.  Abraham, a “believer”, basically sent his baby mama (she had the title of wife but he wasn’t treating her as such) in the desert to die. Lets reflect on her situation. She was forced to have a baby with an elderly man, then once her mistress had a child of her own she was kicked out of the family and forced to fend not only for herself, but her child. Thank God He is not like man. Hagar’s situation might be different from mine because she did not have a choice in having a baby with Abraham, but our situations are similar.

Now that our little bundle of joy is here, his father and I have struggled in co-parenting.  In reality, like Hagar, many decisions fall squarely on my shoulders and I do not have much input from my son’s father.  Although this has caused many stressful and sleepless nights, my Heavenly Father has supplied every need we’ve ever had. None of what I am doing is because of ME.  I can do nothing in my own strength. God is using my situation to show me that blessings come from HIM; if my son’s father was doing everything I wanted, I would look at him as my source.  And, if I were not connected to him, my son and I would not pray for him and his children every night. God is my Daddy and He knows how to provide for both me and my son.  My son is a blessing; he keeps me humble and focused. He is something that I desperately needed without me even knowing it.

For all of you single women especially single mothers remember this: For your Maker is your husband–the LORD Almighty is his name–the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. (Isaiah 54:5 NIV)

God will go before you and fight any battle. It is our job as women to protect ourselves from connecting to a man (emotionally, spiritually and physically) that has no desire to be our husband.

My Son and I

Dear Daddy,

Thank You for supporting me when people try to send me away! Help me not to focus on the negative, but focus on the wonderful things You are doing. Remind me to pray for those. Help me to be careful to make sure that I am not judging another individual. Keep me humble so that I may hear Yvoice. Help me to be the woman who can walk in integrity and love, while allowing You to patiently work out . In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Lovely Ladies, I EMPOWER you to let go of any bitterness you have towards any person that you think has done you wrong. Remember Joseph’s brothers threw him in a pit, but God used that to save a nation.  Your situation does not determine your destination!

For more information on emotional and sexual integrity check out the book Every Woman’s Battle by Shannon Ethridge.

Ms. Renee` N. Chaffin is a single mother who has a heart for helping those less fortunate. She has been active in the non-profit sector, whether through volunteerism or professionally, for the past six years.  She is passionate about sharing the love of God, her testimony and empowering people to discover their true potential that was bestowed on them by King of the Universe. Renee` is currently pursuing a Master’s in Public Administration. While on her pursuit of higher education, she is on a seven year journey to challenge God to do ‘exceedingly and abundantly above all she can imagine’ in seven areas over the next seven years. Check out her journey at http://radical7even.wordpress.com. Her favorite scripture is I Peter 5:6: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”

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19 thoughts on “Send her away.”

  1. Renee, this is so powerful. I am so glad that God brought you to a place where you can see that your “set back” was really a “set up” for God take His word forth!

    Thank you for mentioning the judging part. It is so easy to judge, especially when we haven’t walked there.

    1. Thank you so much! I have seen so many negative and misrepresented portrayals of single mothers. Yes, true there are some very insincere, catty women, but there are also women who are in constant battles to do their very best to raise their child(ren). Praise God thank you so much for the kind words 🙂

  2. Thank you so much! I have seen so many negative and misrepresented portrayals of single mothers. Yes, true there are some very insincere, catty women, but there are also women who are in constant battles to do their very best to raise their child(ren). Praise God thank you so much for the kind words 🙂

  3. WOWWWWWW Renee`! Thanks for sharing your story! I am also guilty of being the judger. BUT then God allows me to walk the steps of those who I judged and then I understand His mercy and grace so much better.

    Your comparison to Hagar is very eye opening…and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that scripture in Isaiah and your statement on protecting ourselves from those who have no intentions of marrying us. Thats such an important piece of information.

    God Bless Girl! Im soooo excited about what God is going to do in your life!

    1. Judging can be so easy from a far…things get a bit more complicated when you are really in a situation. So many people say what they would do..until they actual HAVE to do it! Its funny to me how many people actually just look at Sarah, Abraham and Isaac and look over Hagar and her son. They are just as important to showing first Abraham’s mind set and how God still provided simply because of His promise!!
      I am just trying to stay the course!!! thanks 🙂

  4. Renee, How can I put it gently without shouting my office door down, PRAISE THE LORD. Your story and mine are similar in a lot of ways. Self righteous, I’m perfect, but judgemental that was me. The Lord has shown me the error of my ways but with great compassion and gentleness, yet many tears. Yes, we live and we learn. Glory Be TO God for I know that this assignment is not by chance but has been chosen by design to be a healing post. Thank you so much for sharing.

  5. God is GOOD and patient AND merciful. In order to receive mercy you have to be merciful and that is the message He has put on my heart. My best friend told me yesterday “you are the nicest one in the group, but are you the most empathetic”. The answer is not yet! but I am moving towards that

  6. Renee, I just realized that the book you mentioned was your prize from one of our contests several months ago. WOW! Its so amazing how God has brought this thing full circle. Who knew when we sent that book to you that you would be joining our team months later? (HE did but I didnt! LOL) Im really over here like WOW!!!

    And I LOVED that book; it was such an eye opener for me….

    1. When I won, I had no idea how deep the book was. When I read the title..I was like God i’m already celibate..what’s this for..BUT when I began to read I saw how dangerous my thoughts were BEFORE I ever laid with a man. I saw how i was manipulating things to meet my emotions and not necessarily doing things in either of our best interest. Like my son’s father. I should have approached it differently but instead i lead him right down an all too familiar path. I am now praying that I can keep him in prayer and he will continue to progress like we both have done since the birth of our son. Those prizes REALLY do move people.. thanks 🙂

  7. Renee I loved how you shared your story and how you used Hagar to illustrate your point. I have judged and I have been judged. Neither is a great place to be…I am so glad that I am better at this. I love your writing style and reading your stories. You pointed out so many things that we never think about concerning Hagar and her position and Abraham’s behavior towards her. Her story of rejection is relatable to many. Such a great word.

    1. Thank you so much…this was a story that came with quite a few tears, but I know now how necessary it all was. I didn’t even SEE anything wrong with how I was being until I was the one people were whispering about. Rejection is hard, but its even more difficult when it comes to your child. It took his dad some time to come around..but God is a reconciler (i think i made that word up LOL) I am always nervous when my time comes around (esp since this is only my second one) so ALL positive comments are appreciated 🙂 thanks so much

  8. Renee, I applaud you for sharing and want to encourage you to continue being the best mother you can inspite of the circumstances. I have been a single mother for 8 years. I became pregnant as a junior in college but continued pursuing my dreams. I completed my bachelors with honors and my daughter and I went on to law school and completed in 2008. I now operate my own business, research and write law articles, teach Sunday School/Bible Study, manage to make it to professional meetings/ my daughter’s meetings and practices, and help my child with school work. I say all that to say, YOU CAN DO IT!

    There were many tough times financially and emotionally but I am a witness that God CAN and WILL work things out in your favor. God has ALWAYS provided! He does not send us away. I am often told by others that they don’t understand how I accomplished what I did and how I continue to balance all that I do (as a single mother). It has all been by the grace of God. God knows our very desires. If you are committed, the sky is the limit! May God bless you and your son.

  9. Tasha… that is beautiful!!!! I am literally in tears. God really moved in your life. I can only hope to hold on ( I am just in the beginning of my parenting journey). You have def. been taking lessons from the Proverbs 31 Woman. Blessed and highly favored are you. And most important you’re an amazing role model to you little girl. I am in grad school now..and I have my first exam tomorrow…i am SO unprepared because of so much going on personally, but I have to buckle down and get it done!
    I needed this today. May God continue to bless you and your daughter!

  10. My sister, Ms. Chaffin, you are a beautiful lady. And Your son looks like the cutest little bundle ever! 🙂

    I pray that God continue to keep His countenance upon you, and give you peace. May you continue to boldly stand up for righteousness, integrity and those who cannot speak for themselves. You are a Proverbs 31 woman. Be not discouraged on your well doing. Be not weary in well doing; for the Lord SHALL send you an earthly man for Him to express His love to you through even the more! Be encouraged today; however you need to be. 🙂

    1. Sorry for the late reply my phone wouldn’t let me open this last night.
      This is incredibly humbling. I was extremely nervous about sharing this story. It has been my own personal battle for over a year, BUT I know that I am not alone that there are women who need to hear that God will provide. MY hope and prayer that a single,scared pregnant woman will come to know the strength of Christ! He is a sustainer and a way maker. Thank you for the kind words I am working everyday to let God transform me 🙂 be blessed

  11. Renee,
    Thank you for being so transparent, so raw and real in sharing your story. Your testimony really blessed me and so for that, thank you!! The part about guarding ourselves against men who have no intention of being our husband….on it! Love the beautiful spirit that came across with your story and I’m so happy that you decided to be a mommy to that beautiful little boy, he really is a gift from God. Hold onto God, He’s already ordered your steps,..there’s so much joy ahead of you. God bless you Sis!!!

    1. The lies of the enemy tell you to keep quiet. The only thing you need to silence are the fears that people will say or judge you. Truth is they might be. but truth also is that they don’t provide for my son, stay up with him when he’s sick or pray over him when he sleeps..so they those that would say negative things really do not matter. I think we all need to get to the point of not fearing what might happen and be open to WHO allowed it to happen. Everyday my son blesses me. And I thank God for Him showing up and out in our lives.
      Protect your heart..it will keep you from making crazy decisions, (I know LOL) Keep us in prayer as we also pray for you! be blessed have a great week

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