Breast Cancer Awareness, Decision Making, Faith, God

Stuck in the Gray Area

Have you ever been in the valley of decision and instead of being decisive you linger in the “gray area?” You’re familiar with the gray area. It isn’t yes or no. It isn’t black or white. It’s a combination of both. It’s the maybe, kinda sorta, it’s complicated.  Being in the gray area is often confusing and leads to upset and hurt feelings. In my opinion, it often illustrates one’s inability to make a firm commitment.

A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. James 1:8 KJV

As I peruse Facebook, I see many “it’s complicated” relationship statuses. What does that really mean? I will talk to friends who have been dating a person for a long time and ask, “Where do you stand with X?” I get the “I don’t knows” and the “We don’t have titles.” Sadly, some of us have come to accept this as the norm.

Maybe I am a rarity but I don’t like relationships that exist in the gray area. In those relationships, the rules are always unclear. Often times many of us will accept or perpetuate being in the gray area. We do this either because we don’t want to accept the reality of the situation or we perpetuate it because want the best of both worlds. Lingering in the gray area also happens when we don’t trust the person(s) we are dealing with.

What about your relationship with Jesus? Personally, I have been convicted for my “gray area” relationship with Him. It’s easy to talk about church and the things that you do at church but what about your behavior when the church doors close? How is your relationship with Him then? One day you are on fire for Him and the next day you are lukewarm. What about those times when you are around friends and it’s not “popular” to bring Jesus up? Do you act as if your relationship with God “isn’t that serious?” God doesn’t like being in an “it’s complicated” relationship. As a matter of fact He said, “I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.” Revelations 3:15-16 KJV

At the risk of sounding hypocritical, let me admit that I struggle with relationships in the gray area. While I proudly proclaim my love for Jesus I acknowledge that I have some behaviors that are not like Him. They are antithetical to His teachings and commandments for my life. Yet, there are times I am all too willing to satisfy my flesh. I am trying to have the “best” of both worlds and sometimes my faith in what I have asked for has become weak. I recognize my faults and am continuously striving for perfection and a “black and white” relationship with Him. I don’t want my relationship with Jesus to be considered in any way “lukewarm.” Again, we are admonished not to be double minded. “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Fatheris not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.” I John 2:15-17 NIV

The One who has done so much for us including the greatest act of all, being crucified for our sins, deserves to know where we stand with Him. Everyday we are to be obedient to His word. We are to look out for the “least of these.” We are to repent for our sins. We are to witness to others. We are to ultimately live a life that is pleasing in God’s eyesight. We are to remain faithful knowing that He will deliver on His promises.

Get out of the gray area with Jesus, your friendships and relationships. Don’t let fear of the unknown, your indecisiveness, or lack of faith keep you shackled. Ask yourself, “Who am I in the gray area with and why?” No excuse (especially comfort or convenience) that you can come up with will be good enough.

Dear Daddy,

Forgive me for my double minded ways. Help me to live better and do better knowing that being “lukewarm” is not my ticket into heaven. Help me to examine my relationships that exist in the gray area and to let go of those which only exist out of comfort, convenience and lack of faith in You. I know that my relationship with You is paramount so convict me when my actions aren’t reflective of whom I claim to be. Move me to a place of clarity in all that I do. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Ladies I EMPOWER you to look at your relationships with those of the opposite sex, your friendships, and even your goals and GET OUT OF THE GRAY AREA! God deserves commitment from you and you deserve clear commitments to your future. Release the double mindedness, the people and obstacles that are keeping you in the gray area.

In honor of BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH, we want to provide daily tips on early detection and possible methods of prevention. Please watch the video below to learn how to perform a self examination. Please note this video may not be work appropriate as actual breasts are shown.

Ms. Chancee` Lundy currently resides in Atlanta, GA and is a small business co-owner of Nspiregreen, LLC an environmental consulting firm. She is also a dedicated daughter, sister, friend, community servant, and child of God. She is passionate about causes that truly uplift the community. One of her favorite scriptures is Hebrews 11:6: “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”

13 thoughts on “Stuck in the Gray Area”

  1. CHANCEE’ this word is for me! Just yesterday I was having a “moment” because of this gray relationship I have with this guy that I have been dating. I really didn’t understand my feelings enough to explain them to him but you helped me to break it down totally!!! It all makes sense now and I know what I have to do! Thanks for sharing… Be Blessed!

    1. Latasha this is the point that I really wanted people to get from this point. As ladies sometimes we remain in these “gray area” relationships because it’s comfortable and we don’t want to rock the boat. If it’s not for us we need to stop expending energy in a place it doesn’t belong (MUCH easier said then done). If it is something worth pursuing make sure you and the other person on the same page. In the end there is nothing wrong with clarity. I hate vagueness in relationships but that’s because I am a “black and white” person… I am glad that this gave you confirmation. 😉

  2. Chancee I like this because sometimes I even wonder, what’s the point for standing for Jesus. Sometimes it leaves you by yourself trying to ensure that your actions do not seem contrary to what you speak. (Hence my infatuation with the popcorn machine, lol. Inside joke. I was trying to make sure I did not temp myself to “run into” something I couldn’t handle). But sometimes if you stand for Jesus, you have to stand alone in some situations, and that’s a lonely gray area, however, He must know where we stand.

    1. God bless your popcorn ministry :D. Standing for God often means that you will be “alone” but to him you will be in the clear zone. I can’t even begin to list the MANY opportunities that Homecomings and other gatherings present that will compromise what you stand for and who you stand for and I am speaking of our relationship with Jesus, our relationships with boy/girlfriends and our relationships with friends. You have the opportunity to deny what you attest to stand for or an opportunity to deny your fleshly desires because you have a clear commitment to a relationship. You deserve to know where you stand with people and people deserve to know where you stand with them.

  3. This was a great post!! I wrote a poem on this subject a few months back when I was in a gray area..uh huh.. hot or cold baby! LOL thanks for sharing 🙂

  4. Wonderful post…I’m guilty as well of being stuck in the gray area about some things. I’ve asked God is this by choice? Thanks Chancee

    1. Amber usually we are in the gray area by choice because leaving means that we have to make a decision that we would rather not make or we have to force someone else to make a decision. Im glad you enjoyed the post.

    1. “You don’t know how to act or what to say” This is the most uncomfortable part of the gray area. You don’t want things to be misconstrued or step on any toes or “mess” things up. With God we do pretend that we aren’t there…when you know what you are doing is definitely NOT okay with Him.

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