They asked me to “play a game” with them. I was no more than four or five and they weren’t much older. Years later it happened again but on a more frequent basis and with a different person. He was a teenager (almost grown) and I don’t think I was quite out of elementary school. It didn’t feel bad and it was unsolicited but appreciated attention…sort of. Besides I knew what would happen, I went to their house. A few more years passed and a family member tried me as another one looked on while I was sleeping but I stopped them dead in their tracks. By now, I was certain that what was happening wasn’t right and I told on them. My body was nobody’s playground!
Time passed and I moved those memories to a place so deep in my mind that I forgot about them. It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s and my cousin called me to unleash all of the tragic things that happened to her (right under my nose) that I thought about the molestation that occurred in my own life. Her story rocked my world so much because during her traumatic experiences I learned that I was often close by but had no clue. After hearing from her, I felt that my own story was insignificant because “all of that” didn’t happen to me. Although we were both kids, I felt that I was responsible for her safety. Through conversations with other family members and friends I realized that the evil spirit of Touch that I experienced was all too commonplace.
The Bible proclaims that there is “nothing new under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 1:9) and unfortunately that applies to molestation and incest. Consider Tamar, David’s daughter. Her brother raped her. Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”
“No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.
Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman. (Read all of II Samuel 13:1-20 NIV)
I would love for this EmpowerMoment to talk about how I overcame and how God brought me through it and have some encouragement for YOU but to do so would misrepresent my true feelings. Many days I feel like Tamar – desolate not only for myself but for close family members who have suffered worse. As you can see at this point in the story she was basically told to keep quiet about it. Many of the abused suffer in silence. Some days I am absolutely, positively pissed at the perpetrators, the ones who didn’t provide protection and the ones who didn’t make them face punishment. There are days that I sit and sulk about the impact that it has had on me and the other women I know. I am hypersensitive to men being alone with children- even their own. I am constantly suspicious of men’s motives. I don’t like dirty jokes or hearing people refer to their mates as “daddy” and I am leery of male gynecologists. These things bother me in a way that is pretty difficult to express and the surprising thing is these are all things that have only recently begun to come to the surface. There was a time when they didn’t bother me but as I always say “feelings buried alive never die.”
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Romans 8:35-37 NIV
Since this and other issues have begun to surface, I have started seeing a psychologist. Outwardly I am fine but sometimes my spirit is an emotional wreck. My life is a testament that you do not have to let evil overcome you. Others may use their power to take advantage of you or destroy you but it doesn’t have to end there. God has the last say. I thank Him that I don’t look like what I have been through. I have never shared this story publicly and only in VERY small private circles but I know that many of us have dealt with it. I pray that God gives you peace of mind, forgiveness for your perpetrator and a spirit of determination to continue to press forward. Whatever that thing is that happened in your childhood, it does not have to negatively impact your destiny. Use it shape your testimony.
Give me comfort and remove any doubt in sharing life’s trials that I have endured. Help me to work through the pain and release the baggage associated with my testimony. Father, let Your angels of protection watch over the children who are currently being abused. Open doors and lead them to safety. Touch all of the women and men who may identify with this message and let them know that their abuse does not have to define them. You are the conductor of our lives and NO WEAPON formed against us shall prosper. It may take us down for a minute but we will not be defeated. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!
Ladies, today I EMPOWER you to share and to listen. Whether it’s a story of abuse or something else, I encourage you to share your stories of trial and triumph so that others may learn from you and support you. I EMPOWER you to pray for our children and this sexually perverted spirit that is running rampant. Lastly, I EMPOWER you with the knowledge that no matter what you have been through or have to come, it doesn’t define you because you are MORE THAN a conqueror.
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Ms. Chancee` Lundy currently resides in Atlanta, GA and is a small business co-owner of Nspiregreen, LLC an environmental consulting firm. She is also a dedicated daughter, sister, friend, community servant, and child of God. She is passionate about causes that truly uplift the community. One of her favorite scriptures is Hebrews 11:6: “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”