Encouragement, Forgiveness, God's Love, God's Protection, Honesty/Truth, Inspirational, Sexual Abuse, Spiritual Therapy, Trials, Trust

Touch Me NOT!

They asked me to “play a game” with them. I was no more than four or five and they weren’t much older.  Years later it happened again but on a more frequent basis and with a different person. He was a teenager (almost grown) and I don’t think I was quite out of elementary school. It didn’t feel bad and it was unsolicited but appreciated attention…sort of. Besides I knew what would happen, I went to their house. A few more years passed and a family member tried me as another one looked on while I was sleeping but I stopped them dead in their tracks. By now, I was certain that what was happening wasn’t right and I told on them. My body was nobody’s playground!

Time passed and I moved those memories to a place so deep in my mind that I forgot about them. It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s and my cousin called me to unleash all of the tragic things that happened to her (right under my nose) that I thought about the molestation that occurred in my own life. Her story rocked my world so much because during her traumatic experiences I learned that I was often close by but had no clue. After hearing from her, I felt that my own story was insignificant because “all of that” didn’t happen to me. Although we were both kids, I felt that I was responsible for her safety. Through conversations with other family members and friends I realized that the evil spirit of Touch that I experienced was all too commonplace.

The Bible proclaims that there is “nothing new under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 1:9) and unfortunately that applies to molestation and incest. Consider Tamar, David’s daughter.  Her brother raped her.  Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”

“No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.

Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman. (Read all of II Samuel 13:1-20 NIV)

I would love for this EmpowerMoment to talk about how I overcame and how God brought me through it and have some encouragement for YOU but to do so would misrepresent my true feelings.  Many days I feel like Tamar – desolate not only for myself but for close family members who have suffered worse. As you can see at this point in the story she was basically told to keep quiet about it. Many of the abused suffer in silence. Some days I am absolutely, positively pissed at the perpetrators, the ones who didn’t provide protection and the ones who didn’t make them face punishment. There are days that I sit and sulk about the impact that it has had on me and the other women I know. I am hypersensitive to men being alone with children- even their own. I am constantly suspicious of men’s motives. I don’t like dirty jokes or hearing people refer to their mates as “daddy” and I am leery of male gynecologists. These things bother me in a way that is pretty difficult to express and the surprising thing is these are all things that have only recently begun to come to the surface. There was a time when they didn’t bother me but as I always say “feelings buried alive never die.”

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Romans 8:35-37 NIV

Since this and other issues have begun to surface, I have started seeing a psychologist. Outwardly I am fine but sometimes my spirit is an emotional wreck. My life is a testament that you do not have to let evil overcome you. Others may use their power to take advantage of you or destroy you but it doesn’t have to end there. God has the last say. I thank Him that I don’t look like what I have been through.  I have never shared this story publicly and only in VERY small private circles but I know that many of us have dealt with it. I pray that God gives you peace of mind, forgiveness for your perpetrator and a spirit of determination to continue to press forward. Whatever that thing is that happened in your childhood, it does not have to negatively impact your destiny. Use it shape your testimony.

Dear Daddy,

Give me comfort and remove any doubt in sharing life’s trials that I have endured. Help me to work through the pain and release the baggage associated with my testimony. Father, let Your angels of protection watch over the children who are currently being abused. Open doors and lead them to safety. Touch all of the women and men who may identify with this message and let them know that their abuse does not have to define them. You are the conductor of our lives and NO WEAPON formed against us shall prosper. It may take us down for a minute but we will not be defeated. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Ladies, today I EMPOWER you to share and to listen. Whether it’s a story of abuse or something else, I encourage you to share your stories of trial and triumph so that others may learn from you and support you. I EMPOWER you to pray for our children and this sexually perverted spirit that is running rampant. Lastly, I EMPOWER you with the knowledge that no matter what you have been through or have to come, it doesn’t define you because you are MORE THAN a conqueror.

Be sure to enter this month’s contest by clicking here.

Ms. Chancee` Lundy currently resides in Atlanta, GA and is a small business co-owner of Nspiregreen, LLC an environmental consulting firm. She is also a dedicated daughter, sister, friend, community servant, and child of God. She is passionate about causes that truly uplift the community. One of her favorite scriptures is Hebrews 11:6: “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”

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24 thoughts on “Touch Me NOT!”

  1. (Emotionally I can’t comment to you yet, however)

    In agreement with Chancee, Ladies and Mothers, pay attention to all signs and your children. We have to be in tune to who they are with, why they are with them, and the length of time. We can’t be all seeing and all knowing, but sometimes we can step back and watch, look, and listen to the things that impact our children. I urge you to always keep a watch on your sons and daughters. If you ever feel the urge “that something isn’t right” those are your womanly instincts telling you, they aren’t! Protect your children as much as you can. God gives us knowledge and wisdom to balance this and not live in fear……………but he didn’t make us stupid either. Some situations you just can put your child in. Be leery of the “babysitter’s friends”. Use wisdom, guided by God’s spirit, to discern if you should have your children in certain places. Father, Uncle, Auntie, Granpa, Granma, and sometimes Mother, are titles of people we like to give a free pass to. By wise and discerning, remove the title and ask God to reveal the spirit behind it.

    1. “Be wise and discerning, remove the title and ask God to reveal the spirit behind it.” Kay I love this. Many predators carry familial titles (both male and female). You said a mouthful and left some wise instruction. Thanks!

    2. Yes, trust those womanly instincts! God gave you that gut feeling for a reason…its called the Holy Spirit living inside of you! I remember sending my oldest girl to a school and I just FELT that something wasnt right. I had no evidence or any other reason to think anything was going on but at the same time I had never experienced a feeling that so strong before. Someone told me to trust my Holy Ghost and thats what I did. Our job is to protect our children…be vigilant ladies!

  2. God bless you sweets. I know this was extremely difficult to share, but i know this will help someone. May God continue to work on your Spirit,Mind and soul. You are shining the light on a very sensitive subject, but I hope it was also cathartic for you

    1. Renee` it “kind of” was…honestly I feel a bit disconnected from the experience which isn’t good either. I just pray that God gives me more ways to release those things buried on the inside.

  3. How amazing and courageous you are for sharing such a powerful story/testimony. To often this subject is either ignored or considered taboo in the black community. Speaking out breaks the silence. Know that you are not alone. May God continue to heal us all from the inside out. You already have the victory for this battle is not yours but the Lord’s. Be super blessed:)

    1. Beverly you are right…this subject is soooo taboo that I am still apprehensive about the fact that I wrote it. I KNOW that there are many ladies who have this SAME testimony who would never admit it especially those who have to see their monsters on a regular basis. I have learned that when people find out it’s often not reported and becomes the “family secret” but praise God for victory over family secrets.

  4. What a POWERFUL testimony!!! I am overwhelmed with emotion right now but I am most grateful to God that your past hasn’t dictated your future or present for that matter. You are truly an overcomer!!!

  5. So glad you have foundhealthy ways of coping and dealing with your past experiences and by you sharing this testimony others will also find the coruage to share and find healthy ways of coping. God bless you !

    1. Thanks Crystal. Life is often a struggle and I know that we each will face hardship at different times…some of us more than others and a variety of situations. The victory is in overcoming life’s challenges and choosing to live on purpose.

  6. POWERFUL testimony Chancee! I thank God for you and your testimony. You are not alone in neither your testimony, your walk, your faith, your endeavors, your fears, and all other facets of your life. God, family, and your friends are here! Thanks for sharing and keep being a blessing to others.

    1. Natalie, thank you…there was a twinge of “evangelism” in your voice. 😉 I had to take a praise break. God has surrounded me with some great people and I am thankful for that.

  7. Chancee`, thanks for being so transparent and sharing this story with our readers. Just as you said, this is such a prevalent issue in a lot of families.Releasing the this will surely help to heal the things that are buried deep within. I am so proud of you for exposing the enemy! I pray a covering over you and cancel backlash and retaliation as a result of this post. IJN, Amen!

    1. I am accepting that prayer In Jesus’ Name! I know that God is preparing me for something but to get to it some of these old things have to be revealed and released. We hold a lot of “unmentionables” in families that can alter the course of our lives if they are not dealt with or you are not strong enough to overcome. I thank God for the latter.

  8. Chancee`,
    I struggled with this all night and then realized that it was the enemy trying to shame me into not sharing something that could help another one of my sisters. I’ve often heard the expression – tell the truth, shame the devil – so I’m getting ready to shame him because he is a liar!!!

    I was sexually abused at the age of 5. What happened to me 40 yrs ago on that one night was horrific and I’ll leave it at that. My 5 yr old brain wasn’t understanding what was happening to me but my childs spirit knew it was something so, so wrong on so many levels and it damaged me tremendously. Fast forward 15 yrs later, I marry, and I’m blessed with 2 daughters. Needless to say that I was super-super sensitive to anyone male or female that came near my daughters,..I was a FIERCE PROTECTOR of my girls to the point where my family thought it was obsessive, but I didn’t care, my only mission and focus was to keep my girls SAFE.

    Years later I divorce, my girls are grown, and I start “dating”. Every other weekend when my girls would spend the weekend with their Dad, I was “dating”. Having 1 night stands, drinking beyond excess and I do mean beyond excess, and just doing harmful things to my body and my spirit. I didn’t care of how men physically treated me, we could hook up for the night or the weekend, it didnt matter to me, I was “cool with it”. I didn’t understand back then that it all tied into what happened to me that one night so long ago, when that “uncle” of the family took away my innocence….I didn’t understand that it was ALL tied to my experience that one night.

    BUT GOD!!!!!!!…..BUT GOD!!!!!!!!….HE FOUND ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn’t find Him, He found me and for the rest of my life, I’ll love on Him and praise Him for showing me that I’m HIS and HE loves because I have breath in my lungs and my heart beats…because He showed me a mercy that I could never repay!!!! HE fixed me in a way that I NEEDED!!!! He was and is THE ONLY THERAPIST I NEED!!!!! HE soothed my sould, HE fixed this broken shell of a woman and showed her how special and sacred her body is. HE helped me to forgive that person and I released anger, depression and rage. They no longer have a place in my heart and in my spirit.

    I say all of this for this one reason….to any of my Sisters out there who are survivors of sexual abuse, you CAN get to a place of FORGIVENESS and JOY once again. PRAY to God about it, TALK to God about it, ASK God to take out depression and rage and to fill it with all that God is….LOVE, PEACE, JOY AND COMFORT. My Sisters, He’s ALL of that and so much more!!!! You CAN find peace regardless of your past, you CAN get to a point of forgiving – JESUS is waiting on you to just release it all to Him, because He LOVES you just that much!!!!!! With empathy and love, Dee

    1. Dee this is such a POWERFUL testimony. I have witnessed exactly what you are talking about. Many times survivors of sexual abuse can go to extremes either they keep themselves under lock and key or they are wild and free. I am thankful that God moved you to a place of forgiveness and I pray that I get there…not for my abusers because I have but for my cousins abuser. I have both love and rage against that person although my cousin has forgiven them.

      The devil doesn’t want you to share your story just like he doesn’t want me to share mine. I usually post my Empowermoment to my FB every week but yesterday I was too embarrassed to put this out there for a variety of reasons. I can’t release something on the internet and then try to limit the release at the same time. I am going to post this right now. Thank you for sharing your story. Evil spirits are running rampant and I do know that $ex and $exuality are so pervasive in our culture (TV, magazines, billboards, news, computers) that children are exposed at a much earlier age. We have to protect, communicate with and pray for our children on a regular basis. I can go on and on….thank you so much for sharing Dee.

  9. Only God!!!This was an awesome post. It takes a lot to expose all that happened to you. I’m so gald you haven’t let it prevent you from becoming who you are today. I have always told you that God has great things in store for you. I commend you for exposing that deep dark “family secret” you have brought it to the light and once again you’ve STOMPED the enemy. Thank you Jesus!!!!!!

    1. Ms. Sampson I am asking God for some things and as I said in an earlier comment I guess he is making some requirements of me too. My life really speaks to God’s goodness and his ability to make me who I am despite what I have been through. I have so many things that have happened in my life that this was always minuscule to me…however minor to me God wanted me to share this word with others. I am no ambassador but I do my own story. Thank you Jesus for the courage!

  10. At this very moment I am swollen up with tears that want to fall. The feeling of it happened to me to. In the house I would only feel safe in. The moments of having family members only when my daddy let them. The moment of no one can see what going on above their heads. What do I do when I know this touch is so wrong or this body on me when they shouldn’t be. Not just one but family member or one side of the family, even a friend of the same sex. Until that one day I wanted them to stop the only way was no longer being alive. Insteadi told my parents. To this day I often wonder do they know how this has afffected me or was is just a game to them. Or as people like to say they were just experimenting. Was I weak or just an innocent child that just didn’t know what to do. Thank u Chancee for writing this.

    1. Eliya I didn’t know what to expect when you told me you had a comment on my post. For those of you who don’t know Eliya and I are first cousins and as close as sisters but we have NEVER had this discussion. This is what “family secrets” can do to a family. Multiple people can experience the same thing and NEVER know it. I am sitting in shock but at the same time I feel numb because these things happen so frequently that they rarely surprise me.

      Now me and my cousin just spoke privately but for now what I will say to our Empowermoments readers is that Hurt people…hurt people. So many things have happened to make people who they are and then there’s that spirit that I believe severely affects us that makes us think that we are to be ashamed of what someone else did to us. I have lived with it for many years.

      As painful as the process is, I am going to do a praise dance for the walls that God is going to tear down as a result of this post.

  11. Chancee, I talked to you this morning and tonight this is still on my mind. I shared your story with my mom and sisters tonight on conference and I could feel the pain in their voices. Momma just moaned and I know she was sending up a silent prayer for you and others who have been abused. Know that we are going into prayer for you and your family, because when those secrets come out, Honey, God moves like you wouldn’t believe. Let me stop before I preach 🙂

    I cannot thank you enough for sharing this. I am always telling people how important it is to watch and question your children constantly. I was never a victim of sexual abuse, but I know so many people who were. I attribute my siblings and I not being abused to my mothers paranoia and openly talking with us about sex, and inappropriate touching. Early on we were taught that your private is not your pocket book or some other silly name, but that it was your vagina and penis and no one, no matter their age , was allowed to touch it and if they did we were told to scream, run and tell. She almost threatened us that if we didn’t tell we would be punished. We were always comfortable asking her questions about sex. I will never forget the time some of my cousins were over and we were watching TV and someone on TV said Oral Sex. My sister Shanta looked a my momma, with a house full of people, and asked, “momma, what is Oral Sex?” My cousins, who were a few years older than us, gasped. My momma came over to where we were and explained it to all of the children. To us this was normal, but my cousins were floored and years later told us how they admired the way she was with us. Because of that openness, I didn’t learn about sex from a molestor.

    If I could give parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. any advice, it would be to make sure that your kids feel comfortable enough and talk to you about their bodies and sex. Don’t put an age limit on when you start teaching them. As soon as my son could talk, we started teaching him. Snoop around in your childrens things for any signs that he or she may be being abused. Talk to them often and reassure them that if it does happen, they will not get in trouble. Teach them that you are the “Master Secret Keeper,” and if anyone tells them to keep something a secret, it is ok to tell you. Also, watch them around other children. Don’t let them play in rooms with the door closed. Know that this problem exists and do all that you can to prepare your children, grandchildren, neices, nephews, neighbors kids and any other kids that are around your kids.

    I know that we can’t completely stop this from happening, but I pray that your story reaches enough people to put a HUGE dent in the number of children abused.

    Be blessed sister!!!

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