Can I confess a secret? I am terrified of being happy. Like actually truly happy, not sort of comfortable or having a good day, but happy. Like actually having a committed relationship with someone who I know loves me as much, if not more than I love them. I am terrified that my dream job will one day not be a dream, but become reality and that I will graduate from my program within my set time limit. I am afraid that all my hard work and effort may actually be rewarded.
I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous. Who fears getting exactly what they have prayed tirelessly to God for? Who fears what they have petitioned Him for day and night asking for a breakthrough.
The last two years of my life have been filled with so many emotional ups and downs that I came to expect the worst. I took the “rejoice in sufferings” scripture from Paul literally: Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. (Romans 5:3 NIV) I know how to deal with disappointments, setbacks and hurts but to actually BE happy, live in the moment of happiness and to enjoy the fruits of my labor– I have an extremely tough time doing that. I always feel like I am just waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me.
But even after Job went through his emotional rollercoaster God blessed him doubly:
The LORD blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys. And he also had seven sons and three daughters. The first daughter he named Jemimah, the second Keziah and the third Keren-Happuch. Nowhere in all the land were there found women as beautiful as Job’s daughters, and their father granted them an inheritance along with their brothers. After this, Job lived a hundred and forty years; he saw his children and their children to the fourth generation. And so Job died, an old man and full of years. (Job 42: 12-17 NIV)
God restored Job; his pain and trials did have an end and so will ours. When that time comes, enjoy it.
My first EmpowerMoment was called “Throw Me In” because my life felt like it was falling apart, and now just a few short weeks later everything that was attacked has been restored to me. All that I prayed for has been given back to me (ten fold) and I am a bit apprehensive, but WHY? God created this world out of nothing but His Word; why would He be unable to transform my situation just as quickly? He can and He did and so instead of worrying about when the next setback comes, I sit and enjoy the fact that my pursuit of happiness has actually lead me to the Land of Happy. I think I will stay here for just a moment longer.
Thank You for answered prayers, for loved ones, for smiles, for beautiful days…all these things were made to remind us that trouble doesn’t last always. Help me to enjoy the moments when You are blessing me. Help me to remember what the struggle was like so I may stay humble, but help me not to wallow in my past. Help me to anticipate the beautiful things You will do in my life. If someone is in need, open my eyes that I may be a blessing unto them, as You have been to me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!
Lovely ladies of the King, I EMPOWER you to embrace the beauty of life. Stop worrying about the what-ifs, the maybes of tomorrow. Instead relax in your Daddy’s arms and allow Him to bless you. God loves you with an everlasting love and wants to bless you immensely. Accept that. Simply and wonderfully relish in the gifts from your Daddy.
“Hear My Call” by Jill Scott speaks to what it’s like to go through, but it’s just as important to KEEP going so you can get to the other side. The other side is beautiful.
Read a related EmpowerMoment: Reaping the Harvest
Ms. Renee` N. Chaffin is a single mother who has a heart for helping those less fortunate. She has been active in the non-profit sector, whether through volunteerism or professionally, for the past six years. She is passionate about sharing the love of God, her testimony and empowering people to discover their true potential that was bestowed on them by King of the Universe. Renee` is currently pursuing a Master’s in Public Administration. While on her pursuit of higher education, she is on a seven year journey to challenge God to do ‘exceedingly and abundantly above all she can imagine’ in seven areas over the next seven years. Check out her journey at http://radical7even.wordpress.com. Her favorite scripture is I Peter 5:6: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”