Best of 2011 Series, Sex

Best of 2011: #2 — Between the Sheets

We are featuring our top EmpowerMoments of 2011. They made us laugh and they made us cry. They comforted us during troubled times and made us uncomfortable in our mess. But most important, they EMPOWERED us to be greater women all around! We are better wives, mothers, daughters, friends, servants and employees. We have been EMPOWERED to love harder, forgive more and listen better. We thank God for EmpowerMoments! Enjoy the Best of Series!

Disclaimer: Today’s EmpowerMoment is for the MATURE and MARRIED folks! We are going to discuss something that rarely gets any pulpit time…

Over a year ago I attended a women’s retreat with my church. I’ve been to several retreats in the past, but nothing as amazing as that purging, life changing experience.  During one of the sessions, the facilitators gave us a packet to fill out. The questionnaire was for not for anyone else to review, rather it was a chance for us to really examine what was at the core of a lot of our issues. (There is something very cathartic about pouring your heart out on paper.) The packet started off with basic questions like your name, age, Christian experience, etc. I was breezing through the questions thinking, “This is a piece of cake!” Then the questions started to get a little more intense asking things about our past…you know those “have you ever” questions that anyone with a checkered past dreads so much! But even those questions were easy to answer as most of it I had already discussed at one time or another. It was until around page 8 that I got a little stuck. The question read, “Are you sexually frigid?” Honestly, I wasn’t even sure what the question meant so I skipped over it to come back to it later. After all, that’s what we were taught in regards to our standardized tests, right? After completing the rest of the packet, I returned to that question and pondered it for a while. I was still drawing a blank. I knew what sexually meant and I knew what frigid meant, but what exactly did they mean together? At that moment, my heart began pounding fast and my throat tightened. That was a clear indication that I NEEDED to know what this question meant. I raised my hand and asked for clarification…

“What does this mean” pointing to the page 8? “Sexually frigid means being cold in bed…ummm kind of acting like you really don’t want to be there.”  Maybe my facial expression said guilty as charged or maybe God moved her spirit, but she instantly slipped into a profound prayer. I’m convinced it was the latter because the things that she prayed only He would have known. Page number 8 forever changed my life and marriage…

The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  (1 Corinthians 7:3-5 NLT)

Yes, I was indeed guilty of being sexually frigid. Sex was a pawn that I used to get what I wanted and when things didn’t go my way, I withdrew. Sometimes I would only engage because I knew what 1 Corinthians said and wanted to act like I was obeying it. But it was just as if I was disobeying God because my heart and mind were not engaging with my body.

In her book, For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn explains that men need fulfilling sex to feel loved, desired and confident.  It is important that we give the kings in our lives the boost they need to face the challenges that they meet on a daily basis. I once read this quote that I replay anytime the enemy is trying to convince me that I don’t want or need to satisfy my husband: “satan loves marriage without sex just as much as he loves sex without marriage.” In essence, fornication and withholding in marriage have the same detrimental effect and leave no one happy but the devil! Page number 8 changed my life and marriage in more ways than one. I implore you to take my advice and change yours!

Dear Daddy,

Please forgive me for the times that I didn’t do what you commanded me as a wife to do. Remind me daily that my body is not my own. Give me burning desire for the man who You created just for me! Thank You for the wonderful gift of sex! In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Ladies, today I EMPOWER to you get BETWEEN THE SHEETS! EMPOWER your husband’s confidence by giving him what he needs to face the world. EMPOWER your marriage by vowing to have a healthy, active and happy sex life!

P.S. Visit our friends over at Christian Nymphos if you need some ideas!

Read another marriage EmpowerMoment: Who Do You Think You Married?

Mrs. Kristen Harris is a wife, mother, entrepreneur and dedicated servant.  She is extremely passionate about women’s spiritual advancement, hence the founding of EmpowerMoments.  As an avid reader, Kristen enjoys reading the Bible and other non-fiction pieces. Her driving inspiration is when God says to her: “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  (Jeremiah 29:11) She currently resides outside of Chicago, Illinois with her wonderful husband and two lovely daughters where she is an active member of New Life Covenant Church.

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