I have attempted to write this EmpowerMoment before but could not. However, while reading a daily devotional by Joel Osteen, I became inspired to try again.
My grandmother brought me up in the church. So, at an early age I learned to both fear and rely on God. However, it wasn’t until after college that I learned about Jesus. Of course, I had heard of Him. I had often heard my elders thank Him but I never knew Him personally. After being baptized at 13, my relationship with Jesus began to flourish…and so did my journey into self-righteousness. The more I learned about Jesus, the more I was determined to do right and to be righteous. For me, there was no gray area, only black or white. In my learning, I knew that you shouldn’t judge, yet I was very judgmental. I was unaware of my profound state of self-righteousness until it was brought to my attention by my best friend. You see, it had taken him two years to reveal to me that he was gay, and he said that it was because of my views. The truth is I really didn’t mean any harm to anyone. It was simply about how I thought God felt about things. But it was true, I was very self-righteous. However, that is who I was before my Big Mistake–I fell in love with a married man.
It was never my intention. I, like every woman, wanted and desired a man of my own but I did not guard my heart. “Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (Proverbs 4:23) All I could think was that I was a woman of God. How could this have happened to me? To say that this was one of the biggest mistakes of my life is an understatement. At the time I was going through that profound tribulation, I was asking God for mercy constantly, and I was remembering all of the times I had looked down on other women who had allowed themselves to fall in love with married men. I was going through a very humbling experience, a look at you now, oh, woe is me experience. But it happened and I survived. After deliverance and repentance, I got back up again.
There were several lessons that I learned during this tumultuous time in my life:
Lesson #1: I learned what God truly meant when He said what He has put together let no man set asunder. (Mark 10:9) Ladies, if a man is already married there is NO way, that he can or will ever be your husband. If you are lying and cheating to be together, then it is not of God. For the scripture says, “Every good and perfect gift comes from the Lord.” (James 1:17 NIV)
Lesson #2: I learned that my actions not only affected me but also an entire group of people. The pain runs deep not only for you but for his family, and his wife’s family. There are so many ties and bonds involved in the make up of a family and when you come in as an intruder and abruptly sever those bonds and ties, the ripple is felt by everyone who loves them.
Lesson #3: I learned how truly forgiving God is. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9 NKJV) When I asked to be set free of the relationship, God released me and when I asked Him to forgive me, He did just that. In a dream I was told to read Psalm 32. The very first line states, “Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven.” Further down in the passage it reads,
“I asked for forgiveness- I acknowledged my sin to you and my iniquity I have not hidden. I said, I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and You forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah.” (Psalm 32:5) Despite how huge my mistake was, God had completely forgiven me.
After asking God to forgive me, I also asked the person whom I had hurt the most for forgiveness–his wife. Confess your trespasses to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed the effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. (James 5:16 NKJV)
I have no defense for my actions. I only have a confession and a testimony that God will never leave you nor forsake you and He has divine power to deliver you from evil. I know this to be true.
I come to You today thanking You for Your love, mercy, grace and forgiveness. Your love is so wonderful that it uplifts rather than condemns even when we make life altering mistakes. Father, there is another young lady out there experiencing the same mistake of falling in love with a married man. Lord, I am asking You to help her right now. Help her to understand that You are a perfect God and that you do not make mistakes. Lord, help her to be patient because You will give her the desires of her heart in Your time. Lift her up, and fill her with confidence. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!
Ladies, today I EMPOWER you to learn from my lessons. You may have made a huge mistake in your past but it does not have to end for you there. Remove yourself from the negative situation and ask God to forgive you…and then forgive yourself! Move forward knowing that God is with you and when it seems as if we have made the worst mistake of our lives, with God we can get back up again!
Read a related EmpowerMoment: The Mostaccioli Massacre
Beverly Gordon is a graduate of Gonzaga School of Law (Spokane, WA) and currently works as an Executive Assistant and Director of Compliance. She is a devoted mother, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin and friend who believes in the importance of teaching children the power of prayer. In her journey of loving and leaning on the Lord she meditates on Romans 8:28: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” She resides in Tuscaloosa, Alabama with her beautiful daughter and is an active member of the Springfield United Methodist Church.