Growth/Maturity, Relationships

Ghosts of Mistakes Past

Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert. (Isaiah 43: 19 NKJV)

I am here today to talk about the “ghosts” of your past and to be very transparent with where I am in my life journey. As many of the readers know, I am single and have been for quite some time. I had not been into the dating world long before I met my son’s father. After that whole ordeal, I was just not willing to open myself back up. In fact, I told my friends, “All the guys that approach me fall into one of two categories: questionable (i.e. feminine) or thugs.” I had a very wise and wonderful friend sit me down and say, “We attract what is in us. Maybe you’re attracting unhealthy potential mates, because you are in fact unhealthy.” WHOA! That was definitely my “aha” moment. Why had I chosen guys who I felt from the very beginning were not right for me? The guy who stated up front that he doesn’t believe in marriage…The guy who has several children out of wedlock…The guy who never wanted to take the lead in the relationship… Why had I convinced myself that these men were men that I should be with?

You want the honest truth? The truth is deep down I did not believe that I deserved to be with the right guy because all men have flaws right? So you have to choose what demon you can live with. I mean he might cheat on you, but he always takes care of home, right? He might take all of your money, but he does write sweet love notes and leave them on your pillow. One guy I dated said, “If you treat them like dirt, they will stick to you like mud.” That was his saying, yet I never saw the red flag, until he started treating me like dirt. By then it was too late (or so I thought). I had already made my mind up that I would be with him.

I had to have a sit down with Jesus so He could really tell me about myself. So He could show me the place of hurt that I had been nursing in secret for so long. Out of that place of hurt was where my bad relationship choices had been birthed. My heart is where my Daddy had to do a “new thing”.  It was through this extremely personal time that I allowed God to make Himself known to me.  During my time of seeking Him I was able to trust Him and reveal the areas of doubt in my life. I still have moments of doubt, but I am happy to report that God is taking me from glory to glory!

Our Heavenly Father longs to heal the broken areas of our lives. Like a little girl running to her father to fix her favorite toy, our Daddy can only fix what we put in His hands. If you find yourself making any decisions (not only in your romantic life) that do not line up with the Word of God, you have a serious issue girlfriend. God longs to be your all; when you replace Him with your desires you are making idols out of those things. He is a loving God, but He is also a jealous God. He will not allow those things to take that rightful place in our hearts. It will fail. Let me repeat. It will fail.  If God is not the head, nothing else will work. You have absolutely nothing to prove to your boss, lover, family or friends. Your worth is birthed out of your purpose. Only God can give you that purpose. If you have allowed people or desires to be the lead in your life I ask that you pray this prayer:

Dear Daddy,

Thank You for the love that You have bestowed upon me. Please forgive me for chasing after anything that was not in Your will for me to have. I pray for a spirit of discernment so I know what is from You and what are distractions from the enemy. Help me to never try and find my purpose or value outside of You. Make yourself real to me. Reveal Yourself to me. Show me all the broken places so that I may allow You to make things “new”. You can create a river in the desert, so I know, believe and trust that You can and will do something amazing within me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Ladies, I EMPOWER you to release the ghosts and guilt of your past mistakes. It is never too late to begin anew.

Ms. Renee` N. Chaffin is a single mother who has a heart for helping those less fortunate. She has been active in the non-profit sector, whether through volunteerism or professionally, for the past six years.  She is passionate about sharing the love of God, her testimony and empowering people to discover their true potential that was bestowed on them by King of the Universe. Renee` is currently pursuing a Master’s in Public Administration. While on her pursuit of higher education, she is on a seven year journey to challenge God to do ‘exceedingly and abundantly above all she can imagine’ in seven areas over the next seven years. Check out her journey at Her favorite scripture is I Peter 5:6: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”