Black Music Month Series, Marriage, Purpose, Single Parents, Submission

You Can’t Be the Man!

June is Black Music Month! To celebrate, each of our EmpowerMoments will be based on Black music for the entire month. This includes Black songwriters, producers or performers. Stay tuned as we use various genres of Black music to tell our stories and exemplify the beauty of God’s love! Happy Black Music Month! Dance as if no one is watching!

I can’t lie, when I first got this Fantasia CD, I would often listen to track three, ‘Man of The House’ on full blast, and often on repeat.  It was a bit of an anthem, because I could definitely relate to some of the lyrics (and I convinced myself that I could sing them pretty well too).

The chorus of the song goes like this: 

(If you gone) be the man, 
then be the man, 
cause if you can’t 
Baby I can, 
I can and I will so 
figure it out. 
Which one of us gone be the man of the house?

Yes, Tiffany was in the car and on the treadmill singing to her man to be, that if he can’t be the man, she can! One day God said, really?! Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24 NIV) The Bible calls us to be submissive to our husbands and allow them to have the lead role! According to the Word, there is nothing to figure out!  No Tiffany, you can’t be the man!

That’s just a little bit of the independent, don’t need a man anthem that I was in love with! The first verse:

 If we don’t got it, I’ll go get it (it ain’t a thang)
And if it’s broken, I’ll fix it (I don’t complain)
But now see it’s gettin’ a little out of hand, 
Cooking, cleaning, providing taking care of little man
You want to talk about who’s wearing the pants
Baby, well I don’t understand

Since I am single right now, this verse is very descriptive of my life. I am sole provider for my boys and myself, cooking, cleaning, fixing, and anything else that needs done.  However, the role of a single woman and one with a husband (or man as Fantasia refers to him) are very different.  “Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” (Titus 2:4-5 NIV) How can we expect our husbands to assume their responsibility when we are not willing to let them? Society, the media, and those around us constantly encourage us to be strong, independent, and not need a man, and then we are left to wonder why we are still single.  We can’t allow such trivial things to weigh so heavily on the way we live our lives as women of God! You can’t be the man!

The Word is clear on the role of the ‘Man of the House’ as well. Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of fullrespect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)  (1 Timothy 3:3-5 NIV) We have to be careful of who we assign this role. If God doesn’t have His hand on him we could be left confused, as Fantasia is in the song!

I still love the song, though I know that its meaning isn’t as literal for me as it had been at one time, because I recognize that I can’t be the man!

Dear Daddy,

Thank You for the gift of discernment and understanding through Your word.  I thank You for the strength to be all that I need to be for my family while I don’t have a husband in the physical realm.  Please prepare me for the husband that You will bless me with if/when You see fit, and mold me into the woman that will allow him to be the Man of the House that You call him to be. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Ladies, today I EMPOWER you to let the man be a man! Whether you or single or married, allow the men in your life to take on the role that God has called them into, by being careful that you are only taking on the one that He has called you to.

As you listen to Fantasia’s ‘Man of the House’, remember who the REAL man of your house is!


Ms. Tiffany Huff is the devoted mother of two boys, a blogger, lover of food and travel, and aspiring entrepreneur with a passion for helping others live out their purposes. She is looking forward to growing in her walk and honoring God through sharing her EmpowerMoments. One of her meditation scriptures is Romans 12:2: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

6 thoughts on “You Can’t Be the Man!”

  1. Tiffany, I LOVE this! Between my Wednesday class, my Pastor, you and GOD, y’all are gonna make sure I get the message loud and clear! Thanks for sharing this!

  2. Tiffany,L-O-V-E this! Even though I have come a looooong way. I still need to be reminded “I can’ be the man”. I too, prior to marrying was a single mother , and was in that position for 6years. Then, I was the oldest of six so I was always making decisions, to the point were it became natural. With only the grace of God I can now say, that I submit happily, but I have my moments:)

    1. Amen Lisa! I know that God is grooming me and I’m more than willing to submit to Him and his will!

  3. Sister Tiffany:
    As women of God, we cannot allow ourselves to get caught up in what the world is doing, period. The Word of God is very clear on the role for men and women. If a woman is saved and single and providing for herself, she only has God to answer to. She is in a position to give herself wholly over to God and the things of God. That’s why Paul says its actually better to remain single because you would not have those things to contend with that a woman who is married must deal with everyday. But if you cannot contain, it is better to marry than to burn in the flesh (1st Cor. 7:8-9). If you are saved and married, God must still be first in your life, however, you will also have to take your husband into consideration and children if you are a mother. It is important to earnestly pray and seek and wait on God before saying “I Do” to anyone. Women are not suppose to go searching anyway for a husband. The Word is clear on that point also. We are told that “He who finds a wife finds a good thing” (Proverbs 18:22). A woman who is sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit will know when to step back and be that “lady” that God is calling all of us to be and not be intimidated in allowing her husband to be the “man” that God is calling for in this hour. God never empowered a woman to perpetrate a man in any shape, form, or fashion. My sisters in Christ, we need to learn how to celebrate our God-given femininity and not get caught-up in the madness that is in the world. God’s way is better.

    1. Geri you are right, we have to remember to always live according to the Word and Will of God and not the ways and the words of The world. Thank you for sharing!

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