Growth/Maturity, I Am Free Series, Relationships

I Am Free: The Ultimate People Pleaser!

To commemorate our nation’s independence this week, we are featuring a series entitled “I Am Free”. Read this week as our writers share how God has delivered them and set them free!

I am FREE from people pleasing!

Growing up, I never wanted people to be mad at me so I always tried to be the peacemaker and peacekeeper. I was around people who were angry of all of the time and pretty irrational in their behavior so I would go out of my way to avoid their wrath. However, that did not work and it only gave me a bad case of the “People-Pleasing Syndrome.”

The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe. (Proverbs 29:25 KJV)

Many times I would try to please people so much that I would sacrifice my own happiness and desires just to make them feel comfortable. I did not want people to be upset with me so I avoided confrontation. For those of you who know me, you are probably thinking that is NOT the Chanceé that I know; however, I have to be honest. My people pleasing was more evident in my relationships with men than in my friendships. I can recount the times when I knew that I was wronged or there was an issue that needed to be addressed but I would suppress the emotions because I did not want to make him “mad” with me.  I thought that if we didn’t argue or if I didn’t reveal my true feelings then we would have a happy relationship. I also let this carry over to my body by giving in to sex even when it was not my desire. Yes, I had a horrible case of the people-pleasing syndrome. It was unhealthy because it led to resentment and anger that would cause me to later explode. The stress, heartache and resulting emotional eating could have been avoided if I didn’t let my desire to please people consume me.

For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10 KJV)

Thank God for deliverance.  He revealed to me how my need to please people, particularly men, kept me out of right relationship with Him. I wasn’t being truthful and it caused me to give in to sin when that was not my desire. This doesn’t mean that now I am a firecracker and every time I disagree I explode. What it does mean is that I am now free to tactfully express my feelings and to say no and not fear the reaction. Now I take my own happiness into consideration when I make decisions. I can make sound decisions based on what I believe is right. Being a doormat is not an expression of love and in the end it does not win you favor with men or with God.

Examine yourself; are you more concerned with what people may say about you then doing the will of God? Do you sacrifice your own needs and desires because you don’t want to rattle the feathers of others? Have you given in to activity or avoided doing what you know may be right just because you didn’t want people to talk about you? Do you overpromise? Do you attract people who need to be rescued or consoled all the time? Do you avoid conflict and disagreements and rarely make decisions? If you can find yourself in any of these scenarios, you may suffer from the People Pleasing Syndrome too. Remember that it is not God’s will that any of us lead unhappy and unhealthy lives. We have to be transformed by the renewing of our minds so that we can only concern ourselves with pleasing God.

Dear Daddy,

Thank You for freeing me from my people pleasing tendencies. Help me to assess situations and recognize if I am being disobedient to You and getting distracted from my journey by trying to please others. Grace me with the tact to express and handle disagreements without fear of the outcome. I trust that if I strive to please You in all that I do, You will work out each situation on my behalf. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!  

Ladies, I EMPOWER you to drop the added burden of people pleasing. It does not make you better. You will not win more friends nor will you save a relationship by being a doormat. In the end you will only end up upset and hurt. Seek direction from God and examine the root of your people pleasing so that you can live a more fruitful life and live in truth.

Are you a current or former sufferer of the People Pleasing Syndrome? How has it affected you? Share your story with us in the comments.

__________________________________________________________________________

Ms. Chancee` Lundy lives in Atlanta, Georgia and is an entrepreneur as she is the co-owner of Nspiregreen, LLC, an environmental consulting firm. She is also a dedicated daughter, sister, friend and community servant. She has used her gift of public speaking to lead workshops across the globe speaking to crowds as large as 10,000 people. Her guiding scriptures this week are Philippians 4:11-13 “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

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7 thoughts on “I Am Free: The Ultimate People Pleaser!”

  1. Wow! This was so me! I had to realize that I was a people please, afraid for anyone to be mad at me and always being available for everyone till I get burned out because I am afraid say no. I have been learning to say no and speak up but I still need prayer in this area. Thank you for letting the Lord use you!

    1. “learning to say no” that is an understatement. We don’t wake up one day and everything is no no no but like you state “it is a process.” I began saying no to things that I really didn’t want to do. I had to think about my own sanity and work load over someone being disappointed.

  2. I can relate to this as well!! MAN OH MAN!! lol! When you were talking about yourself, I felt you were talking about me! lol! I’ve been in the situations you described! I’m not completely free from “people pleasing syndrome” but I’m getting there! I’m learning to tell people NO! I’m learning that I only need to please God. I also learning to speak up as Tannika mentioned in her comment. I know what its like to stretch yourself thin for people just to please them! Its really not worth it! At the end of day, you have to worry about yourself and your own well being. I’m not saying not to care for others or not to be there for them, but you have to put yourself first. I’m learning how to do that…Well God comes first then yourself…lol..I know sometimes I feel like I’m being selfish by telling people “no” but I know I’m not a selfish person. I also too can’t stand confrontation! Thanks for writing this post!

    1. Venus I am glad that you enjoyed this post. Im not exactly where I want to be either but Thank God I am not where I use to be. I know that sometimes people can consider this a selfish disposition but you have to take care of you first and the scripture tells us that we are to speak truth to each other Ephesians 4:25 and sometimes the only way to be truthful is to confront. “confrontation” does not have to be a negative word. I often wait until I can address a subject with tact lest I explode on someone 🙂 Keep working at it and I am sure you will end your people pleasing ways.

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