Divorce, Marriage

He Loves Me…He Loves Me Not

My husband and I have been “split-up” since July 4th. The reason he left is still a mystery to me. One day I spoke with him and asked him what was wrong because I didn’t feel connected. He answered, “Nothing is wrong, I’m good.” To that I replied, “No, there is something wrong because we are not even speaking.” He reiterated, “We are good; there are no problems…”  A week passed and I went back and asked him again. He told me that he was unhappy and we discussed our next steps to split up.

Perplexed and confused, I went to my Bible and read every scripture about marriage and divorce. I spoke to people that are married and divorced and I still didn’t get the answers that I was looking for. Does he love me? Or does he love me not?

After the breakup I was ready for a divorce and God spoke to me…. “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:9 NIV) “And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband.” (I Corinthians 7: 13-14 NIV) I know that if you read further it says leave, but I tried to leave and God said ‘NO!’ Remember you need to recognize God’s voice and have the spirit of discernment in order to know when it’s time to stand still or run.

Still uneasy and a bit confused, I started to pray and seek God’s face and again He spoke His Word to me: “Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. (Philippians 4: 6-7 MSG) “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 NIV) I then realized that God ordained me for such a time as this and since I was chosen, I am going to be fine.

One day as I was walking I just started praying  and God started to reveal myself to me. You know what I found out? I have flaws that are hindering our growth in marriage. Can you believe that Keviyona has flaws? Imagine that! He even started to reveal my husband to me. My husband has trust issues and he thinks no one understands him. At that moment, I understood that this was much bigger than me and I started preparing myself to enter an intense spiritual battle for my marriage and for my husband.

I almost lost my mind listening to bad advice as people were telling me, “He doesn’t love you, he has another woman, he never loved you, he used you, he isn’t thinking about you or your daughter, blah, blah, blah, blah.” And then when I asked him about those accusations, he replied, “I love you, I don’t want a divorce, and I am a work in progress.” What people said and what he was confessed once again had me confused horribly. Does he loves me? Does he love me not?

So here we are, over 2 months later. Some think I’m crazy, but here’s how I’ve learned to deal with the situation. I listen to his problems, we talk every day, we laugh, we eat dinner together on his days off and we spend time with our daughter together. Now this is the kicker–we are still not in the same house, but I am still treating him like my husband because that who he is in my life and God is working on him. He doesn’t want to be away from me, but he didn’t feel adequate to be with me. I walk around now having the faith that what God has joined together, no man will put asunder (not even us). Now I am not telling you to put up with disrespect, abuse, infidelity or anything that is not healthy for you. I am saying seek God and have the faith to believe that He will never leave you nor forsake you. I want you to stand strong and focus on Jesus as the author and finisher of your faith. If you know God joined your union, don’t let people or the devil tear it apart.

Dear Daddy,
Thank You for giving me the strength to endure. Thank You for teaching me how to war for my mate and how to stand firm in Your word. Continue to be my refuge in a time of present help. Continue to build me up where I need uplifting when I get weary in well doing. Continue to teach me to love with an agape love.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Ladies, I EMPOWER you not to run from adversity, but to remember this scripture: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9 NIV)  If God promised anything to you, remember that He is not a man that shall lie. Don’t stress and try to figure out if someone loves you, remember that there is no greater love than God’s love. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16 NIV) You never have to wonder if He loves you or loves you not.

Do you have an encouraging word for those struggling in their marriages? If so, please share it with us in the comment section.

Read a related EmpowerMoment: The Reality of Relationships

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Mrs. Keviyona Ray is an ordained minister and co-pastor of The Christ For All People International Church. She is passionate about sharing the word of God with everyone she encounters. As a professional, Keviyona is a teacher for Chicago Public Schools. She loves her ministry of teaching and changing children’s lives. She is a devoted wife and mother of a wonderful daughter. Two of her favorite scriptures are Jeremiah 1: 5: “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations” and Proverbs 29:18: “Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.”

15 thoughts on “He Loves Me…He Loves Me Not”

    1. Thanks Sister! I know that you are praying. I am fine and when I decided to let God do His job life has gotten a lot better for me. I love you to life!

  1. What I love about this the most is that it is so easy to point the finger when God is instructing us to look at ourselves. I remember a time when my husband and I were in a rough patch in our marriage and God showed me, me. I was like “HUH”, I’m Ms. Perfect, he’s the one with the issues!! And when I submitted to God changing my life he enriched my husband and my marriage. I am encouraged that you sought God over man, continue to do so and He will fix whatever is broken! Stay praying and I’ll pray with and for you.

    1. Kay,
      I thought I had it all together. I was saying I am what’s happening, there is nothing wrong with me. I was soooooo wrong, I am so glad God revealed me, to me as well. I believe He will turn my situation around for my good because that’s what He promised. I know that you are praying for me and with me and I love you for that. Thanks!

  2. I loved your EM! Thanks for being so open! I can relate to wondering if he loves me or he loves me not as well as being confused as to what’s really going on in their hearts and minds. I thank you for sharing this and I will continue to pray for you Keviyona and your husband. Stay encouraged!

    1. Thanks Tannika,
      You know I was hesitant about posting this EM because I didn’t want anybody to think I was looking for pity. I am so glad that my EM helped you, glory to God. Continue to pray for us but I already know that it is well! I love my EM team!

  3. Sister Keviyona:
    I cannot pretend to know the pain that you are feeling at this most difficult time. I will lift you and your husband up in prayer. Continue to seek God for direction.

    1. Thanks for reading Geri. No, no, no I’m not in a difficult moment, I shared so that some one could be helped and know that God will give you a peace that surpasses all understanding. Thanks for your prayers because the prayers of the the righteous availeth much!

  4. Great post!! I’m glad that you sought God about your marriage and that he is turning your situation around! I’m glad that ya’ll are doing so much better! Wow, that was deep about the issues that both you and him have! IYou probably wouldn’t have known those things if you didn’t seek God. Sometimes it’s hard to accept that we have to change. Change can be hard and uncomfortable! I pray that you and your husband will be able to be back in the same household and that your marriage will continue to improve! God bless!

  5. God Bless You! Very encouraging and inspiration! What most would have run from, you ran to, empowered by the spirit of God, which dwells within us all. I’m proud that you chose the narrow gate!

  6. I believe in marriage,and the ups and downs and it feels so good to see a woman standing for her marriage instead of listening to others or running because its easy,,lets do what god did for us!!!!!!!

  7. I totally believe in marriage and I thank you for honesty in sharing this. I am married myself, and went through something similiar to this right before I got married. Basically, my husband (then boyfriend) walked out the day that I sent my save-a-dates for our wedding. Like you, when I sought cousel from others, they told me to leave him… he doesn’t love you… there’s someone else… etc. It wasn’t until I was able to seek solice in myself and my relationship with God that it made any difference. Almost a year later, we got married and we’ve had a healthy marriage every since.
    Good luck to you and your situation. Stay focued on God and good luck to you. You have my blessings 🙂

  8. Good luck. Something similiar to this happened to me right before I got married. Basically my husband (then boyfriend) walked out on the day that I sent my save the dates for our wedding. At times, I thought that I was going to die and listeing to the feedback of others didn’t make it any easier. By the grace of God, I was able to focus on him and a few months later we got married… in God’s way.
    Thank you for your courage, strength, and honesty and good luck on your journey/situation!


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