Miscellaneous

Why Did I Get Married: Same Team!

When I was younger I used to play recreational basketball. For children, it is often hard for them to grasp the concept of team work. You may hear the coach say, “same team guys, same team!” I witnessed this during one of my daughter’s basketball games. When the ball is loose, all of the kids on the same team chase after the ball, sometimes knocking each other out of the way to get the ball. My husband on the side line would yell, “Same team!!!” What this means is that all of them are on defense TOGETHER. There is no need for them to fight each other over the common goal when they are on the same team. The same goes for a marriage. How many times have you found yourself arguing with your spouse or potential spouse only to realize you are really upset about the same thing?

A couple, friends of ours, is going through a rough patch, just like many marriages. They just moved to a new city and still have a mortgage in the city they moved from. He is working every day and she stays at home to handle house matters. She is also the financial manager of the home. She gets very upset with his spending and he gets upset that she is knit picking about getting gas…..and then bubble gum from the same gas station with their debit card. He then gets frustrated from not being able to “come down” from such a hard work day coming home to a wife who is not able to release or “come down” from such a hard work day at home. What is the core here? Both of them are frustrated about the same thing, their finances and selling their house. They aren’t really upset with each other, but other circumstances have snowballed and blurred their vision. Instead of realizing that both of them are hurt and angry about the old mortgage and strapped finances, they turn their anger toward each other. They are both upset about the SAME THING….same team!

This happened to my husband and me a few weeks ago. He is in law school and the first two weeks of December are final exams. This is an intense week for him because their entire grade rests on their performance on the final exam. Because he’s so engrossed with his studies during this time, I often feel emotionally vulnerable and empty from handling the house and our children. At one moment I just started acting angry and he became frustrated at my out of nowhere spews of venom. After about two days of this we both stopped and said, “Look, we’re on the SAME TEAM! We are both tense around this time and we know why, let’s work this out.” I was reminded in that moment “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 NIV

Dear Daddy,

Thank You for placing us in a situation where we are learning about our marriage. Help us to remember that we are on the same team. You ordained a union between my spouse and me and because of that we are team mates. Lord, help me to guide my tongue and thoughts in a way that unifies our marriage, not one that separates it. Please cover every marriage and future marriage that reads this message and teach them the meaning and blessing of being on the same team. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

Ladies, how many times have you sat and realized that you and your honey are arguing about the same thing or that both of you have frustrations stemming from the same place? I EMPOWER you to not allow the enemy to deceive you into thinking that you are at war in your own home. Do you want your house and marriage to be blessed in unity? Remember these few scriptures about unity:

1.     Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity. Psalm 133:1 NIV

2.     Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NIV

3.      May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 15:5-6 NIV 

How do you deal with frustration regarding your spouse, realizing that you are both on the “same team?”

Read a Related EmpowerMoment: Don’t Be Divided

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As a professional, Mrs. Khalilah Burton is a College Biology Instructor. She is also currently pursuing a Doctorate of Education in Higher Ed and Community College Leadership. Khalilah is passionate about her faith journey and uses this key scripture as her inspiration: “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31 KJV) She and her husband serve as Co-Service leaders and Co-Group leaders of SustainedLove, which supports marriage get-a-ways from Family Life. Khalilah also serves as a guest speaker and panelist for various events for women and Christian empowerment. Khalilah resides in Millbrook, Alabama with her wonderful husband Donald Burton, Jr. and their two daughters. They attend Vaughn Forest Church. Check out Khalilah’s Christian weight loss blog here.

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4 thoughts on “Why Did I Get Married: Same Team!”

  1. Kay this word became even more relevant for me this morning. I am glad that you wrote this as often times I can let my temper distract the fact that I am on the “same team” which can be attributed to more teams then the marriage one. 🙂

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