Dirty Laundry, Skeletons and the Elephant

I think the only way to clean this house is to take the skeletons out of the closet, air the dirty laundry and remove the elephant from the room…

I got married at a really young age. On March 26, 2007, with my father by my side I walked down the aisle. That temporary moment committed me to a lifelong dedication to love. It was only 3 months before my 18th birthday. I was given the advice to wait and give it careful consideration because it was a “no going back” decision. My emotions were too strong to deny. He fell in love with me way before I fell for him, so young or not, I knew this is what I wanted.

That was roughly 7 years ago. And I can’t lie things have changed. Maybe that’s normal but shouldn’t it change for the better? Some days I’m just so exhausted from work and other things that by the time I get home I don’t have the energy to talk, pray or anything. He’s patience though. He knows my moods and gives me my space. But I can’t help but think about how my love longs for my attention and affection. His disappointment is something I walk in daily. He questions, “Why is our relationship here? We should be further along.” He stops talking.

I would argue I lost my passion but that’s not quite it. My love, dedication and honor are apparent. But do we have to talk all the time? What about the old couples on the porch in the rocking chairs just holding hands. Can’t we just know the love is there? He is the first person I call when something good or bad happens because I know he’s the one I can always depend on. But I’ve been harboring a secret. He knows, my friends know but you don’t…or maybe you do but I cheated – more than once. The first time, I felt justified because I was young but the second time, I felt convicted. I promised I would never cheat again yet I found myself creeping out anyway. I’m at the point where I would rather watch YouTube than build my relationship, I would rather Pin new recipes than chat and I would rather watch Housewives fight than discover new aspects of my him. On Valentine’s Day, I decided to rededicate myself to my love by doing a 40 day fast that would end on our anniversary. I didn’t even make it a day! #Sad! I couldn’t last a day! I know I have such an amazing, loving, protecting, wonderful…just my everything! Always by my side and always there; but, I’m complacent and possibly even ungrateful at times. I’ve become cynical and lackluster but I don’t want to walk away. I could never walk away because… I’m leaving a detail out. He has a son, who I love DEEPLY! He is the saving grace to our relationship. If it wasn’t for His son He may have left me alone by now. But His son intercedes for me. He provides me with much mercy.

In a moment of not knowing how I would ever get back into His good grace, He spoke:

“Don’t fear, because you won’t be ashamed; don’t be dismayed, because you won’t be disgraced. You will forget the shame of your youth; you’ll no longer remember the disgrace of your widowhood. As an abandoned and dejected woman the Lord has summoned you; as a young wife when she is rejected, says your God. For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with great mercy I will bring you back. In an outburst of rage, I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting love I have consoled you, says your redeemer, the Lord. These are like the days of Noah for me, when I promised that Noah’s waters would never again cover the earth. Likewise I promise not to rage against you or rebuke you. The mountains may shift, and the hills may be shaken, but my faithful love won’t shift from you, and my covenant of peace won’t be shaken, says the Lord, the one who pities you.” (Isaiah 54:4, 6-10 CEB)

Dear Daddy,

Thank You for always being present. Thank You for always loving on me when I step out on our relationship. Thank You for Your son, Jesus Christ, who gives an unfaithful woman like me a chance to be forgiven, a chance to be loved to peace. In Jesus’ name, Amen!

Ladies, I EMPOWER you to examine your marriage. Are you treating God worse than you would your husband (or future husband)? Do you make Him a priority and make time to discover new aspects of Him through reading your Bible?  Let’s make tonight a date night and show love to our Everything. 

What are you going to do for “date night”?


Ms. Dené B. is a student of life who enjoys human studies and social media. She graduated from Loyola University Chicago where the motto is “Preparing People to Lead Extraordinary Lives,” She took her education and school spirit to heart and now is a young adult striving to live an extraordinary life while helping others achieve the same. One of her go to scriptures is, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV).

9 thoughts on “Dirty Laundry, Skeletons and the Elephant”

  1. To answer the ending question about date night, my husband just finished a bar exam. He sacrificed years to get here and he is just at the brink of starting a new career path/life. I thought it would be a good idea for us to have date night “in” and create “personal” vision boards. I feel it may be a good time for us to reset and refocus our goals, but in a fun way….with magazine clippings and such (And of course a spread of goodies and our favorite music.)

    I applaud you for this message, thank you for sharing your heart.


  2. Oh wait…………was that supposed to be for God? (Lord excuse me, lol.) Well currently my date nights with him have been on the treadmill. I am committed to honoring God with my body, I haven’t been doing that too well over the years. I am committed to evaluating what I put in my temple. I have to also physically be a witness and that takes maintenance.

    1. I apologize for my delay in responding, Kay. I swear I wrote a reply but maybe it was mentally. 🙂 thank you for sharing your commitment. I love that more people are looking at their health as a commitment to God! Wonderful to hear! I’m on this journey with you! Thanks for reading!

  3. That was creative, awesome and powerful!!!!!! Thanks Dene`!!!!! God is so merciful and holy and faithful, and we do not treat Him as such. We give Him very little time and very if any time, sometimes, not quality time.

    1. Thank you so much, Tannika! Yes, I had to put my marriage out there….have to do better and make Him the main priority in my life. I’ve been thinking of doing a class. Like most people I have a long to-do list and usually the things that get done are the things with a deadline so I figure a class will help kick me in the right direction. Thanks for reading!

  4. Love it! When I read this at first, I thought you were talking about a marriage then it dawned on me that you were talking about God. Lol! I try my best to spend time w/ God daily but it gets rough when I’m tired. I too have been unfaithful to God several times in my Christian walk. I had to make a decision to make him a priority.

    1. Ha ha I’m glad you enjoyed it! I’m also glad it threw you off a bit :). Even though my dad was by my side when I took that walk almost 17 years ago. Lol but yes, I’m thankful for His grace that when we stray He always comes to get us.

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