June is Black Music Month! To celebrate, each of our EmpowerMoments will be based on Black music for the entire month. This includes Black songwriters, producers or performers. Stay tuned as we use various genres of Black music to tell our stories and exemplify the beauty of God’s love! He can be found virtually anywhere if we earnestly look for Him and listen intently! Happy Black Music Month! Dance as if no one is watching!
“There’s a curse on this family at the age of 23; at the age of 23 your cousin died, your other cousin was paralyzed, and both your grandmother and mother had a miscarriages. I’m not trying to speak negativity… I’m just saying pray over your 23rd year of life because it could be a rough one.” Those were the words spoken to me a week before my 23rd birthday. From the time I was a child I always felt 23 was going to be my YEAR! God even confirmed that He set this year aside for me, but I really didn’t know that I had death in store.
While driving down the same street my cousin died on, I heard a voice say, “You have 12 months to live, how are you going to use your time? I suggest you do what you want, go out, live life because in 12 months you’ll die.” I took the advice from the voice in my head and lived it up. I filled my soul and drowned my unknown sorrows, feeding my impulses which lead to a mirror of repulsion. I blacked out. When I finally woke up, I laid in my shame and promised never to intoxicate my soul. And that’s when my detox began.
Months 2 – 5
Summer-time Chi encompasses the city air with peace. I finally felt 23. I was working at my dream company and enjoying life. And then, the last piece to my puzzle was placed, I met a guy. He was tall, well-dressed, well-spoken- a suave frat boy. He impressed me and stimulated me mentally. As he unveiled his truths I fell deeper. The more we talked- the more open I became. I wore love on my neck and he grabbed it, seizing a narrow moment in time.
For the first time in my life I made love. In my head, I fabricated details and illustrations of the man I wanted my man to be. I created an image of love that was never truly there. My thoughts continued to water the seed of love in my mind which eventually spouted attaching to my heart.
Then the man I grew to love came to me and said, “It’s only so far I can go with you. You’re an amazing person but this just isn’t going to work.” I felt like Job when God gave the devil limits on his life. (Job 1:12)I never allowed myself to be so open and vulnerable so even though I felt God was protecting me it still didn’t lessen the blow.
Our love story was like a firework. We had an undetected ascend but when we finally hit our peak it was beautiful, however it faded quickly and I was left with the smoke filled air to navigate through.
The love that I use to wear around my neck, I threw away. I tucked it somewhere unknown. I didn’t want anyone to find it, not even myself. I never wanted to love again because the pain I felt was something I never felt before.
I cried in darkness and crucified my pain. I walked with Jesus; feeling the nails of rejection, the beatings of disappointment, the crowning of failure. At the moment Jesus cried out and so did I. I begged God to bring me home and abort my mission. I asked that He protect my family and friends and give them acceptance of my absence. Life was no longer making sense but I felt that death was the only way I could find peace.
An angel entered my life. I was a broken soul just looking for answers and a way out. She rescued me from judgment and shame. She washed me clean and purified my soul, giving me the ability to love again. She prepared me to meet my King. For months, I had been so distracted with the smoke from the fireworks that I didn’t realize the show had been over for a while. I was now out of time.
I woke up and finally the sun was shining. I didn’t realize where I was because shame, guilt, humiliation and disappointment were no longer my alarm clock. I had peace. Then my Holy Spirit spoke, “I gave you the desires of your heart. You prayed to wake up to Me. For that life is over. Get up and walk in your new.” At that moment my love was freed. I realized that in order to truly live I had to die. In my final month of life, I surrendered and my love was set free and given to God.
And so I insist—and God backs me up on this—that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd. They’ve refused for so long to deal with God that they’ve lost touch not only with God but with reality itself. They can’t think straight anymore. Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion.
But that’s no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you. Ephesians 4:17-24 Message
I thank You Father, for always being a rescuer. God, it took me to lose everything to completely turn my life over to You and now that I have I’m so thankful to serve You. In Jesus name, Amen!
Ladies, I EMPOWER you that “when temptation and impulses come to rape, beat and violate you; they can control your mind but it’s not over, there is hope for you to live again. Repent. God loves you. Just seek His face, get in the word and renew your mind…to fight the impulses and your life.”
As you reflect on 12 months to live, please enjoy Mail Music’s Impulses.
Or view the video for a visual of the words:
Ms. Dené B. is a student of life who enjoys human studies and social media. She graduated from Loyola University Chicago where the motto is “Preparing People to Lead Extraordinary Lives,” She took her education and school spirit to heart and now is a young adult striving to live an extraordinary life while helping others achieve the same. With a Bachelor of Arts in Advertising and Public Relations and minors in Sociology and Visual Communication, Dené worked at a top PR firm but her greatest accomplishments resides in volunteer work with Autism Speaks and Big Brothers Big Sisters. Currently, she finds herself pursuing a vision God placed in her of starting her own business. One of her go to scriptures is, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is Gods will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV).