Black Music Month Series, Marriage, Purpose, Single Parents, Submission

You Can’t Be the Man!

June is Black Music Month! To celebrate, each of our EmpowerMoments will be based on Black music for the entire month. This includes Black songwriters, producers or performers. Stay tuned as we use various genres of Black music to tell our stories and exemplify the beauty of God’s love! Happy Black Music Month! Dance as if no one is watching!

I can’t lie, when I first got this Fantasia CD, I would often listen to track three, ‘Man of The House’ on full blast, and often on repeat.  It was a bit of an anthem, because I could definitely relate to some of the lyrics (and I convinced myself that I could sing them pretty well too).

The chorus of the song goes like this: 

(If you gone) be the man, 
then be the man, 
cause if you can’t 
Baby I can, 
I can and I will so 
figure it out. 
Which one of us gone be the man of the house?

Yes, Tiffany was in the car and on the treadmill singing to her man to be, that if he can’t be the man, she can! One day God said, really?! Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24 NIV) The Bible calls us to be submissive to our husbands and allow them to have the lead role! According to the Word, there is nothing to figure out!  No Tiffany, you can’t be the man!

That’s just a little bit of the independent, don’t need a man anthem that I was in love with! The first verse:

 If we don’t got it, I’ll go get it (it ain’t a thang)
And if it’s broken, I’ll fix it (I don’t complain)
But now see it’s gettin’ a little out of hand, 
Cooking, cleaning, providing taking care of little man
You want to talk about who’s wearing the pants
Baby, well I don’t understand

Since I am single right now, this verse is very descriptive of my life. I am sole provider for my boys and myself, cooking, cleaning, fixing, and anything else that needs done.  However, the role of a single woman and one with a husband (or man as Fantasia refers to him) are very different.  “Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” (Titus 2:4-5 NIV) How can we expect our husbands to assume their responsibility when we are not willing to let them? Society, the media, and those around us constantly encourage us to be strong, independent, and not need a man, and then we are left to wonder why we are still single.  We can’t allow such trivial things to weigh so heavily on the way we live our lives as women of God! You can’t be the man!

The Word is clear on the role of the ‘Man of the House’ as well. Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of fullrespect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)  (1 Timothy 3:3-5 NIV) We have to be careful of who we assign this role. If God doesn’t have His hand on him we could be left confused, as Fantasia is in the song!

I still love the song, though I know that its meaning isn’t as literal for me as it had been at one time, because I recognize that I can’t be the man!

Dear Daddy,

Thank You for the gift of discernment and understanding through Your word.  I thank You for the strength to be all that I need to be for my family while I don’t have a husband in the physical realm.  Please prepare me for the husband that You will bless me with if/when You see fit, and mold me into the woman that will allow him to be the Man of the House that You call him to be. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Ladies, today I EMPOWER you to let the man be a man! Whether you or single or married, allow the men in your life to take on the role that God has called them into, by being careful that you are only taking on the one that He has called you to.

As you listen to Fantasia’s ‘Man of the House’, remember who the REAL man of your house is!


Ms. Tiffany Huff is the devoted mother of two boys, a blogger, lover of food and travel, and aspiring entrepreneur with a passion for helping others live out their purposes. She is looking forward to growing in her walk and honoring God through sharing her EmpowerMoments. One of her meditation scriptures is Romans 12:2: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Faith, God's Grace, God's Love, God's Mercy, Single Parents, Spirit of Rejection, Trusting God

Send her away.

I am a single mother. If you would have told me three years ago that I (the I am never having sex before marriage woman) would be a single parent I would have never believed you.   In fact before I had my son, I must admit, I was extremely critical of some women who had children outside of marriage. This was during my hypercritical Super Christian days when I was still a virgin and at that time I was only focused on the law and not grace. I judged those women, because 9 times out of 10 the father of the child was “no good” before the woman ever got pregnant.  I figured she had to know that this situation was not going to work (judgment).  I’ve always been told: “just live a little longer” and see where life takes you.

Just three years ago I was a virgin, in a committed relationship with a believer and a junior in college. My life was like a fairytale. Then the fairytale ended. My boyfriend and I broke up. My parents divorced and when I was on the verge of graduation the economy took a nosedive.  With all of the pressure I wish I could say that I just prayed my way through. Instead I cried, whined and rebelled. WHERE was God? I also tried to reach out to a family member who I had lost touch with and kept getting rejected. The void in my heart turned me from God; I could not understand how He could watch me trying to reconcile this broken relationship and not step in to mend my broken heart.

I soon was introduced to Nathan who was all too eager to let me cry on his shoulders and in his bed.  My spirit was at war with my decisions, but every night I stayed with him. I silenced that voice, because I wanted to feel love from a person (even if it was fleeting). I soon found myself pregnant by a not so happy father-to-be.  The minute he found out I was pregnant he began trying to talk me into not keeping the baby. I was told not to get too attached to the idea of keeping the child because my salary was not enough to support one. I was told that my family would not be supportive and he already had other children to support.  All of this reminded me of Hagar:

She (Sarah) said to Abraham, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son, for that slave woman’s son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac.” The matter distressed Abraham greatly because it concerned his son. But God said to him, “Do not be so distressed about the boy and your maidservant. Listen to whatever Sarah tells you, because it is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned. I will make the son of the maidservant into a nation also, because he is your offspring.” Early the next morning Abraham took some food and a skin of water and gave them to Hagar. He set them on her shoulders and then sent her off with the boy. She went on her way and wandered in the desert of Beersheba. (Genesis 21:10-14 NIV)

Keep in mind Hagar was a slave, meaning she had zero, zippo, nada funds to support her son. Not only was she a slave but Abraham who was quite wealthy sent her away with a cup of water.  Abraham, a “believer”, basically sent his baby mama (she had the title of wife but he wasn’t treating her as such) in the desert to die. Lets reflect on her situation. She was forced to have a baby with an elderly man, then once her mistress had a child of her own she was kicked out of the family and forced to fend not only for herself, but her child. Thank God He is not like man. Hagar’s situation might be different from mine because she did not have a choice in having a baby with Abraham, but our situations are similar.

Now that our little bundle of joy is here, his father and I have struggled in co-parenting.  In reality, like Hagar, many decisions fall squarely on my shoulders and I do not have much input from my son’s father.  Although this has caused many stressful and sleepless nights, my Heavenly Father has supplied every need we’ve ever had. None of what I am doing is because of ME.  I can do nothing in my own strength. God is using my situation to show me that blessings come from HIM; if my son’s father was doing everything I wanted, I would look at him as my source.  And, if I were not connected to him, my son and I would not pray for him and his children every night. God is my Daddy and He knows how to provide for both me and my son.  My son is a blessing; he keeps me humble and focused. He is something that I desperately needed without me even knowing it.

For all of you single women especially single mothers remember this: For your Maker is your husband–the LORD Almighty is his name–the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. (Isaiah 54:5 NIV)

God will go before you and fight any battle. It is our job as women to protect ourselves from connecting to a man (emotionally, spiritually and physically) that has no desire to be our husband.

My Son and I

Dear Daddy,

Thank You for supporting me when people try to send me away! Help me not to focus on the negative, but focus on the wonderful things You are doing. Remind me to pray for those. Help me to be careful to make sure that I am not judging another individual. Keep me humble so that I may hear Yvoice. Help me to be the woman who can walk in integrity and love, while allowing You to patiently work out . In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Lovely Ladies, I EMPOWER you to let go of any bitterness you have towards any person that you think has done you wrong. Remember Joseph’s brothers threw him in a pit, but God used that to save a nation.  Your situation does not determine your destination!

For more information on emotional and sexual integrity check out the book Every Woman’s Battle by Shannon Ethridge.

Ms. Renee` N. Chaffin is a single mother who has a heart for helping those less fortunate. She has been active in the non-profit sector, whether through volunteerism or professionally, for the past six years.  She is passionate about sharing the love of God, her testimony and empowering people to discover their true potential that was bestowed on them by King of the Universe. Renee` is currently pursuing a Master’s in Public Administration. While on her pursuit of higher education, she is on a seven year journey to challenge God to do ‘exceedingly and abundantly above all she can imagine’ in seven areas over the next seven years. Check out her journey at Her favorite scripture is I Peter 5:6: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”