My husband and I have been “split-up” since July 4th. The reason he left is still a mystery to me. One day I spoke with him and asked him what was wrong because I didn’t feel connected. He answered, “Nothing is wrong, I’m good.” To that I replied, “No, there is something wrong because we are not even speaking.” He reiterated, “We are good; there are no problems…” A week passed and I went back and asked him again. He told me that he was unhappy and we discussed our next steps to split up.
Perplexed and confused, I went to my Bible and read every scripture about marriage and divorce. I spoke to people that are married and divorced and I still didn’t get the answers that I was looking for. Does he love me? Or does he love me not?
After the breakup I was ready for a divorce and God spoke to me…. “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:9 NIV) “And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband.” (I Corinthians 7: 13-14 NIV) I know that if you read further it says leave, but I tried to leave and God said ‘NO!’ Remember you need to recognize God’s voice and have the spirit of discernment in order to know when it’s time to stand still or run.
Still uneasy and a bit confused, I started to pray and seek God’s face and again He spoke His Word to me: “Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. (Philippians 4: 6-7 MSG) “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 NIV) I then realized that God ordained me for such a time as this and since I was chosen, I am going to be fine.
One day as I was walking I just started praying and God started to reveal myself to me. You know what I found out? I have flaws that are hindering our growth in marriage. Can you believe that Keviyona has flaws? Imagine that! He even started to reveal my husband to me. My husband has trust issues and he thinks no one understands him. At that moment, I understood that this was much bigger than me and I started preparing myself to enter an intense spiritual battle for my marriage and for my husband.
I almost lost my mind listening to bad advice as people were telling me, “He doesn’t love you, he has another woman, he never loved you, he used you, he isn’t thinking about you or your daughter, blah, blah, blah, blah.” And then when I asked him about those accusations, he replied, “I love you, I don’t want a divorce, and I am a work in progress.” What people said and what he was confessed once again had me confused horribly. Does he loves me? Does he love me not?
So here we are, over 2 months later. Some think I’m crazy, but here’s how I’ve learned to deal with the situation. I listen to his problems, we talk every day, we laugh, we eat dinner together on his days off and we spend time with our daughter together. Now this is the kicker–we are still not in the same house, but I am still treating him like my husband because that who he is in my life and God is working on him. He doesn’t want to be away from me, but he didn’t feel adequate to be with me. I walk around now having the faith that what God has joined together, no man will put asunder (not even us). Now I am not telling you to put up with disrespect, abuse, infidelity or anything that is not healthy for you. I am saying seek God and have the faith to believe that He will never leave you nor forsake you. I want you to stand strong and focus on Jesus as the author and finisher of your faith. If you know God joined your union, don’t let people or the devil tear it apart.
Thank You for giving me the strength to endure. Thank You for teaching me how to war for my mate and how to stand firm in Your word. Continue to be my refuge in a time of present help. Continue to build me up where I need uplifting when I get weary in well doing. Continue to teach me to love with an agape love. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!
Ladies, I EMPOWER you not to run from adversity, but to remember this scripture: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9 NIV) If God promised anything to you, remember that He is not a man that shall lie. Don’t stress and try to figure out if someone loves you, remember that there is no greater love than God’s love. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16 NIV) You never have to wonder if He loves you or loves you not.
Do you have an encouraging word for those struggling in their marriages? If so, please share it with us in the comment section.
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Mrs. Keviyona Ray is an ordained minister and co-pastor of The Christ For All People International Church. She is passionate about sharing the word of God with everyone she encounters. As a professional, Keviyona is a teacher for Chicago Public Schools. She loves her ministry of teaching and changing children’s lives. She is a devoted wife and mother of a wonderful daughter. Two of her favorite scriptures are Jeremiah 1: 5: “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations” and Proverbs 29:18: “Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.”