From People Pleaser to God Pleaser!

People Pleaser: n. a person who spends a lot of energy pleasing others.

“I’m hungry could you get me something to eat?” YES… “I’m tired will go to the store for me?” YES… “It’s late but I really want to see you, will you come over?” YES… “Will you go shopping for me?” YES… “I have a bill due could you pay it for me?” YES

Hello my name is ______________ and I’m a people pleaser.  For me, this is beyond familiar. If I tell someone NO, it is like disowning him or her.  It seems that far-fetched to me.  I say YES before I stop and evaluate my own needs or schedule.  I may not feel passionate about the request, but I comply, mostly because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make someone mad.

To be truthful, I seek validations of self-worth or value from others.  But WHY?  I say I am a Christian and I have accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior, but why do I/we choose people over our Father in Heaven? For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?  Or am I trying to please man?  If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10 ESV)

So much time and energy is put into meeting the needs of others that I find myself losing touch with my own life, and my relationship with God suffers.  We give man (men and women) too much credit, and we fear them instead of God.  Proverbs 29.25 states that the fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trust in the Lord is safe.  Isaiah 51:7 speaks truth when it says, “Listen to me, you who know righteousness the people in whose heart is my law; fear not the reproach of man, nor be dismayed at their reveilings.” (ESV)

I discovered myself having a people pleasing personality a very long time ago.  I pray to God for understanding on why I feel this way and through my prayers God is giving me daily knowledge and understanding that not everyone deserves my YES.  Hold on and understand that whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men. (Colossians 3:23 ESV)

Dear Daddy,

I have let You down.  I have looked for man’s validation over my life, but only Yours matters.  Forgive me, God, for not pleasing You and going after Your heart.  Thank You for the understanding to know that saying YES to man is not wrong, but pleasing man and putting man above You is wrong.  I love You, Lord, for loving me as much as You do.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Ladies, I EMPOWER you to choose wisely who gets a YES from you. “Will you mediate on my word more?” YES…”Will you forgive your brothers and sisters who have forsaken you?” YES…”Will you go out into the world and tell people all about me?” YES…”Do you love me?” YESSSSSS!  Hello my name is ________________ and I’m a God Pleaser!

Have you overcome “people pleasing?” Tell us what it took for you to make that transformation.

Read a related EmpowerMoment: I Am Free: The Ultimate People Pleaser


Ms. Hassanah White is a dedicated member of Faith Walkers Church in Birmingham, Alabama where their motto is to “Walk it out by Faith.” She also serves as a member of the Praise Dance Ministry. Hassanah is a true professional in the realm of marketing and customer service. She’s a proud mother of a very energetic little boy named Jaden. Hassanah believes laughter and prayer are the best medicines for any situation. Her favorite scripture is Hebrews 11:6: “And without Faith it is impossible to please GOD, because anyone who comes to Him must BELIEVE that He exists and that He REWARDS those who earnestly seek Him.”


Searching For Happy…

Whenever I get paid, I go and buy up the mall. Shop ’til I drop. I mean who wants to be seen in the same outfit twice, especially with all of these pictures I have to put on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. What’s missing a bill or two as long as people “think” I’m fly?

He really doesn’t deserve me. Shoot the only time he calls is when he wants me to come over late at night but he’s showing me “some” attention. I don’t want to lose him. Maybe if I continue to give him what he wants he will finally choose me.  That’s the goal right?

This probably isn’t the best “life decision” for me right now but I don’t want my family or friends to be mad at me. Isn’t their approval what matters most?

Nothing is going right in my life so I drink myself to sleep during the week and party hard every weekend to mask the pain. What’s a party, if I’m not there?

Have you ever been in search of  happy? Sometimes the burdens of life can weigh down on us so much that we search for happiness in all of the wrong places including: material possessions; men who are undeserving of our love; validation from loved ones; and reckless behavior. Even after you have done all of these things you recognize that you still are not “happy.” You are not satisfied.

I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my labor, and this was the reward for all my toil. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun. Ecclesiastes 2:10-11 NIV

King Solomon was the richest man of his time and I can imagine that he was the envy of all of the men. I Kings 11:3 tells us that he had 700 wives and 300 concubines; although they eventually led him away from God. While King Solomon is revered for his riches and infinite wisdom, he came to realize that his riches, his pleasures and his material possessions did not bring him happiness. They were not his source.  A person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. Ecclesiastes 2:24-26 NIV

King Solomon in his great wisdom realizes that “God-pleasing” is the key to happiness. In comparison, none of us are as rich as King Solomon, we can’t throw the parties that he threw nor can we match fulfilling fleshly desires the way that he could. Let’s learn from him. As a matter of fact, King Solomon’s revelation of the true source of happiness is further backed up throughout the scriptures:

  • Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Psalms 37:4 KJV
  • But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33 KJV

Paul further backs up King Solomon’s revelation. We have to learn to be content no matter what state where we are in.  Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. Philippians 4:11 KJV Paul makes it clear we have to “learn” to be content.  When we are unhappy, we indulge in activities that are not pleasing to God. Seek to please God and be happy in spite of how much money you have in the bank; in spite of what the scale says; in spite of your relationship status; in spite of your career situation; in spite of family drama. Seek happiness from the only one who can give it.

Dear Daddy, 

Please forgive me for searching for happiness in all of the wrong places. Remind me that I am to seek to please You and execute Your will. Reveal to me when my actions are not in alignment with Your will. Expose my faults so that I can grow in You. Remind me that I no longer have to search for happy because in You I have already found it. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Have you found yourself searching for happiness in the wrong places? Share your story with us.

Read a related EmpowerMoment: Co-Create Your Happiness

Please click here to vote for EmpowerMoments in the 2012 Black Weblog Awards!

Ms. Chancee` Lundy lives in Washington, DC and is an entrepreneur as she is the co-owner of Nspiregreen, LLC, an environmental consulting firm. She is also a dedicated daughter, sister, friend and community servant. She has used her gift of public speaking to lead workshops across the globe speaking to crowds as large as 10,000 people. Her guiding scriptures this week are Philippians 4:11-13 “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”