Patience, Single in the City Series, Singleness

Single in the City 11: Is It My Time Yet?

Last month I celebrated my birthday and there was nothing anyone could do to steal my joy.  I was ecstatic to be able to say that I made it 27 years and despite the many detrimental attacks from the enemy I was still standing!  I was so excited to be an overcomer that I made it my business to party all 30 days of September.  I went on a couple of “mini-vacays”, hung out with girls, and showed the city what it means to be “Single in the City.” In short, I really enjoyed myself until I realized that my overly positive attitude was nothing more than a mere ACT!!!

Examining the events that transpired last month a little closer, I made the following discoveries — Labor Day weekend my bestie was eager to cut our road trip short to get back to her new beau.  On my birthday it seemed as if all my friends had someone of the opposite sex to text or call except for me.  That Saturday we went out and everyone was turning down advances from men all night, but as “fly” as I looked it was as if I was invisible.  That next weekend I attended a wedding and we all know how that turned out judging from part 3 of this series.  And finally, during the conclusion of the month’s festivities, my roommate’s GREAT new guy friend came to visit.  Again, as I reflected on the things that took place I was able to clearly see that all of my girls have crossed over and I have been left asking, “Is it my time yet?”

Now ladies before you call me out on my many sermons about being in relationship with God and Him being “my man,” just know that I do get lonely in life. Let’s keep it real; God is omnipresent, but I miss a man’s presence. My relationship with God is unwavering and so is His love, but heaven I need a hug! However, it may just NOT be my time.  So I ask, what is a girl to do when times get rough?

“And I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart…” (Ezekiel 11:19 ESV)

Judging from the above Bible verse I was equipped, anointed, and strategically hand-picked for this position.  No matter how things may look my Daddy has once again shown me how I am right where He needs me to be.  On that note, the answer to my question is simple: Yes, it is my time to continue allowing the Father to remove things that are holding me back and replacing them with what I need to make it in “Love Land.”

Dear Daddy,

Thank You for thinking so highly of me that You are taking Your time to mold me into the woman You need me to be.  Allow me to remain focused on the future and by-pass the right now.  It may not be my time for a mate just yet, but I trust the plan You have for my life.  No matter who he is and whenever we meet I know that You will make sure that I am ready without a doubt.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Single girls around the world, I EMPOWER you to continue to wait for your time.  The game of LIFE is different for everyone and at this time we are simply waiting for the next move from God.  He will only move when He knows we are totally prepared so allow Him to do what needs to be done.  Have a blessed weekend ladies! 🙂

How are you staying content in your waiting period of singleness?

Please click here to vote for EmpowerMoments in the 2012 BlackWeBlog Awards!

___________________________________________________________________

Ms. Latasha Sampson is an accomplished writer who is currently pursuing her Masters Degree in Human Resources Management.  She resides in Nashville, Tennessee where she is a faithful member of Mt. Zion Baptist Church. She serves tirelessly with the Evangelism Team there.  Latasha also works at Mt. Zion as a member of the Administrative Support Staff. Her favorite scripture is “No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn.” Isaiah 54:17

Relationships, Singleness

Throwback Thursday: Let HIM Drive

It’s Throwback Thursday! This EmpowerMoment was originally published on May 4, 2011. Enjoy this blast from the past!

I absolutely love having relationship conversations with men. They give you so much insight into the way they view things versus the narrow view from our own lens.  A guy once told me that if a woman could learn a different way to say what needs to be said to a man, she would not meet so much resistance. In other words, it’s not what you say; it’s how you say it.

A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel. (Proverbs 15:18 NIV)

Well I had something to say! I was frustrated about the way things were going in the relationship. As I contemplated how to approach this needed conversation without causing a ruckus, someone told me that I should to stop trying to drive all of the time.  And there was my word…

“Some time ago, you asked me to go on a trip with you. Although only you know the final destination, I willingly accepted my place in the passenger’s seat. Along this journey, I expected a few challenges and a couple of obstacles but nothing that was impassable. To ensure optimal vehicle performance and a comfortable ride, there would have to be some investments in maintenance and at the very least we would have to continue to fuel up along the ride. Knowing these things, I gladly came along for the ride; however, somewhere along the way, I hopped out of the passenger’s seat and began to drive. You never asked me to but for whatever reason I took over the trip. Maybe I didn’t see us headed in the right direction or any direction. Maybe we weren’t getting there fast enough. Maybe I became anxious and didn’t trust you so I began to take control. Maybe I thought you were asleep at the wheel and knew I needed to drive to get us safely to our destination. Whatever my reason for driving, I have realized the error of my ways. I am getting out of the driver’s seat and taking my rightful place as a passenger. I will be here to help keep you awake and help you navigate tough terrain, but I am going to let you drive. If at any time I feel as though I am not safe in this car or that you came ill prepared for the trip, I am getting out of the car.” He gently replied, “I understand.”

2 And Ruth the Moabite said to Naomi, “Let me go to the fields and pick up the leftover grain behind anyone in whose eyes I find favor…. 8 So Boaz said to Ruth, “My daughter, listen to me. Don’t go and glean in another field and don’t go away from here. Stay here with the women who work for me. 9 … I have told the men not to lay a hand on you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled.” 14 At mealtime Boaz said to her, “Come over here. Have some bread and dip it in the wine vinegar.” When she sat down with the harvesters, he offered her some roasted grain. She ate all she wanted and had some left over. 15 As she got up to glean, Boaz gave orders to his men, “Let her gather among the sheaves and don’t reprimand her. 16 Even pull out some stalks for her from the bundles and leave them for her to pick up, and don’t rebuke her.” (Ruth 2: 2, 8-9, 14-16 NIV) 

The story of Ruth is often used to illustrate how a woman should prepare herself to find a husband and put herself out there; however, in this text we see that prior to Ruth getting all perfumed up and lying at Boaz’s feet on the threshing floor, he had already jumped in the driver’s seat and began to act upon his interest in her. He showed Ruth that he was able to provide for her and was ready to drive. Ladies, in this follow-up to Heartbreak Hotel, I want to ask if you have ever found yourself mentally and physically drained because you decided to drive when you really were supposed to be a passenger? Learn to be a good passenger because you need to know that the person you are with is FULLY capable of driving. Sometimes our yearning for companionship and impatient nature turns into subtle manipulation, control, and recurring frustration and sometimes we drive because we are trying to prevent the inevitable. We don’t mean any harm. We just want the trip to go smoothly; however, taking leadership when you should be following can be dangerous in a relationship.  This is true not only in relationships with men, but also in our relationships with God.  Who better to trust in this journey called life than someone who knows the end before the beginning?

If you find that you have gotten in the wrong car with the wrong person and are going on the wrong trip, by all means find another method of transportation; however, if your only issues stem from the fact that you are a card carrying member of Control Freaks Anonymous – sit back, keep the driver awake, take a deep breath and enjoy the scenery and the ride.

Dear Daddy, 

Teach me the duties of a great passenger so that I can let the driver do the driving. Help me to recognize when the driver has fallen asleep at the wheel or they are headed in the wrong direction. Give me the words to say that will encourage the driver and if it be Your will Lord, give me the courage to get out of the car if I’m in the wrong car with the wrong driver. God, help me to realize when I am driving in areas of my life where I definitely need to be the passenger in YOUR car. Thanks in advance for helping me with this very important stage in my development. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Ladies, EMPOWER yourselves and evaluate your own life. Are you driving when you really should be riding? EMPOWER yourself to be a great passenger and assistant to the driver. If you have wandered into the car with the wrong driver, EMPOWER yourself to GET OUT!

Are you guilty of  ‘driving’ the man around, when you should be riding? Share your story below.

Read a related EmpowerMoment: You Can’t Be the Man!

___________________________________________________________________

Ms. Chancee` Lundy lives in Atlanta, Georgia and is an entrepreneur as she is the co-owner ofNspiregreen, LLC, an environmental consulting firm. She is also a dedicated daughter, sister, friend and community servant. She has used her gift of public speaking to lead workshops across the globe speaking to crowds as large as 10,000 people. Her guiding scriptures this week are Philippians 4:11-13 “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

Patience, Singleness

Get Out Where?

I have been single for some time now.  It’s been four whole years since my boys’ father died and it’s still just me and my two boys.  I have went on a few ‘dates’ here and there, had I guess what you’d call a ‘summertime fling’, and also a few phone number exchanges but my interest is often gone before I get the random text message or phone call.  I am just…well, single.

My friends and family are wondering what is taking so long.  Everyone asks in his or her own little way, “Are you dating?”  “Do you have a special someone?”  “Are you still not over him?”  “When are you going to bring somebody around?”  “Do you have a secret boyfriend?”

Inevitably, the conversations always end with ‘You gotta GET OUT THERE!’

OUT WHERE?!

It’s not like I’m a hermit.  I work, belong to a gym, go to church, take the boys to their million and one activities, and I am a very sociable person (I think).

So where exactly is ‘Out There?’

I want to be in a relationship with someone as much as (if not more than) everyone else wants me to be.  However, I have learned over the past few years that I can be single and happy!  I recognize that God does not want me to live my life in misery because I am not married, engaged, or seriously dating someone.  It is His intention that we are content through every season of our lives while faithful and patient that what He has in the works will be even better!

I would like you to be free from concern.  An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs —how he can please the Lord.  But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided.  An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.  But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.  (1 Corinthians 7:32-35 NIV)

Dear Daddy,

Thank You for blessing with the time that I have as a single lady.  Please continue to prepare me for the man that will be my husband if or when You see fit.   Thank You for blessing me with the patience to allow Your Will to be done in my life.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Single Ladies, today I EMPOWER you to embrace your ‘ringless’ finger, knowing that all things happen according to God’s timing and plan!  Take the time that God has given you to become as intimate with Him as possible, so that when your husband is presented to you, you can be ready, complete and the wife that God wants you to be!

Are you too embracing the season of being single?  Please share your testimony.

___________________________________________________________________

Ms. Tiffany Huff is the devoted mother of two boys, a blogger, lover of food and travel, and aspiring entrepreneur with a passion for helping others live out their purposes. She is looking forward to growing in her walk and honoring God through sharing her EmpowerMoments. One of her meditation scriptures is Romans 12:2: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Forgiveness, Gentleness, Growth/Maturity, Humility, Single in the City Series, Singleness

Single in the City 10: A Gentleman with a Future and a Past

A while ago, I was subtly approached by a male who I have a strictly professional relationship with. He expressed to me that his feelings were more than just office-related, but rather he felt that we had a real connection. Immediately I felt he was simply “running game”, so I decided not to entertain it much until I realized that he was not giving up. When I finally decided to give him a chance, our relationship progressed to nothing more than random texts and sporadic phone calls. I started to think that I had missed my opportunity until one day he chose to make his move.

Our first date was AWESOME! He proved to me that chivalry was indeed alive as he held the door open, pulled out my chair, and asked several times if I was alright. At dinner we talked, or better yet I talked and he listened intensely asking questions about ME along the way. I was utterly shocked that I was amidst a true gentleman.

After our meal we went to a spot in the park that overlooked the entire city to finish our conversation. It was then that I found out about his life before he learned to love the Lord. Long story short, the things of his past were not pretty as it involved a lot of violence, crime and imprisonment. Truthfully, a piece of me was turned off at the thought that this man had done everything under the sun until I had a flashback of my life and realized that many situations were quite similar.

“The righteous will move onward and forward, and those with pure hearts will be stronger and stronger.” (Job 17:9 NLT)

Ladies, being in the presence of this man was a reality check in that I had to understand that we all have a past, but more importantly we have a future! As he vividly described the events of his past, he was sure to let me know that all along he was crying out to Jesus but didn’t want to leave what he thought was the “life.” Since he surrendered to God, he has been abundantly blessed while serving the Lord wholeheartedly. As the above scripture implies, once we decide to live a life pleasing to God our past is behind us and our new clean and pure heart will become stronger as we press on. (I am not sure where this relationship will go from here but I am certain that this guy has changed my perspective about men who have endured more than the surface will ever show.)

Dear Daddy,

I praise Your name for continuing to love me despite my past. Thank You for trusting me enough to lead me to my future no matter what I did before accepting You as my Lord and Savior. Help me to stay focused on my not yet opposed to the back then. You have delivered me from it and I receive the blessings that You have for my life. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Single gals, I EMPOWER you to learn as much as you can while you are in the dating arena. There are many profitable single Christian men if only we can stop focusing on their past and believe in their futures. Have a BLESSED week!! ☺

Ladies, what advice do you have to offer our saved, single ladies in the dating arena? We would like to hear your responses below.

___________________________________________________________________

Ms. Latasha Sampson is an accomplished writer who is currently pursuing her Masters Degree in Human Resources Management. She resides in Nashville, Tennessee where she is a faithful member of Mt. Zion Baptist Church. She serves tirelessly with the Evangelism Team there. Latasha also works at Mt. Zion as a member of the Administrative Support Staff. Her favorite scripture is “No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn.” Isaiah 54:17

Black Music Month Series, God's Love, Single in the City Series, Spirit of Loneliness

Single in the City 9: Ultimate Relationship

June is Black Music Month! To celebrate, each of our EmpowerMoments will be based on Black music for the entire month. This includes Black songwriters, producers or performers. Stay tuned as we use various genres of Black music to tell our stories and exemplify the beauty of God’s love! Happy Black Music Month! Dance as if no one is watching!

“Now, about the young women who are not yet married… Because of the present crisis, I think it is best to remain just as you are.” (1 Corinthians 7:25-26 NLT)

Recently my dating life has been non-existent and well on its way to extinction.  I have met a few guys over the past few months but most were not worth a call or text back.  Perhaps, the crisis that Paul spoke of is the small selection of profitable men worthy of my time.  So you can better understand let’s just do a quick run-down…

Bachelor #1 was a security guard at a local night club… I knew that he would have potential since he’s a blue collar worker right? NOT at all! This dude was obsessed with himself and his cheating ex-girlfriend to the point that our one and only date turned into a counseling session.  Then on our fourth phone call he mentioned how he was trying to get a job in Detroit and I could move there with him… SERIOUSLY?  Needless to say that was all “he” wrote.

Bachelor #2 was a bus driver twice my age and a waist line three times that!  I’m not saying that made a difference because I learned my lesson on judging people solely on appearance when I wrote part 2 of this series.  However, he ruined it for himself when he called me 15 minutes after I gave him my number!  Am I the only woman that feels there should be a mandatory grace period when calling someone you just met?? Just a thought…

Bachelor #3 was extremely fascinated by me.  He was amazed that I had a job, paid my own bills, etc. Since he was so attentive I thought about giving him a chance until he discreetly threw in the fact that I can call him whenever… “I’m always outside.”  That was the last straw because Lord knows I don’t have it in me to deal with another hustler!!

“In everything you do, I want you to be free from the concerns of this life.  An unmarried [wo]man can spend [her] time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him.” (1 Corinthians 7:32 NLT) 

In honor of Black Music Month I instantly thought of the song Ultimate Relationship (AM) by Mary J. Blige.  The songstress took a break from R&B to tell us single chicks how to love on God.  We MUST rid ourselves of the spirit of loneliness, co-dependency, low self-esteem or self-worth, un-fulfillment, and the list goes on! The devil truly is a liar because every morning we wake up we are given another opportunity to lie in bed with Jesus.  “I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion.  I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as Lord.” (Hosea 2:19-20 NLT) Our Father will wrap us in His love early in the morning in order to equip us for the tricks of the enemy.  So ladies we have to stop whining about not having a guy and focus on the work God has for us to do.  Spend a moment in the AM and listen intently to what He reveals to you because it may get you one step closer to your soul mate!

Dear Daddy,

Thank You for our morning rendezvouses.  Being alone can become overwhelming a lot of the time but as long as I nurture our relationship I can easily maintain.  Remind me that having a companion is only a portion of the master plan that You have for my life.  Keep me focused on the business I have to handle on Your behalf.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen!      

Single Ladies, I EMPOWER you to spend time with God each and every morning.  Before you start your daily routine make God a priority and open your spirit to His incredible LOVE!  Be Blessed!! 🙂

Listen as Mary sings God a sweet love song:

_____________________________________________________________________________

Ms. Latasha Sampson is an accomplished writer who is currently pursuing her Masters Degree in Human Resources Management.  She resides in Nashville, Tennessee where she is a faithful member of Mt. Zion Baptist Church. She serves tirelessly with the Evangelism Team there.  Latasha also works at Mt. Zion as a member of the Administrative Support Staff. Her favorite scripture is “No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn.” Isaiah 54:17

God, God's Love, Inspirational, Single in the City Series, Singleness

Single in the City 8: Spring Fever

Yes, it is back!  Based on the blooming flowers, warm weather, and abundance of pastel colors in retail stores it is safe to say that spring is here!   Now that the frigid temps of The Cold Winter have come and gone, single women everywhere must brace themselves for those ugly side effects of “Spring Fever.” 

Almost every where you go people portray spring as this fun-filled time of the year to enjoy nature.  Great weather encourages walks in the park and picnics in the shade, but let’s be honest ladies–to seal the deal and make it worth your while, you need to have a male companion.  This is what spring fever does to us. Whenever the sun is shining bright and there is a slight breeze in the air we start to think of all the awesome activities that we could be doing with the opposite sex. 

It is so easy to focus on how much better life can be with a boyfriend/ husband but STOP!!!  Proverbs 23:7 clearly states that so a [wo]man thinketh so is [s]he.  Once the enemy gets us caught up in those dreadful symptoms of Spring Fever it is only a matter of time before we start to lose hope in the promises God has for our future.  “And this expectation will not disappoint us.  For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” (Romans 5:5 NLT) As always, single ladies, God knew I would get to the point where I would yearn for company but He always makes provisions. 

The biggest problem with being ‘Single in the City’ is that I get consumed with the commercial idea of being in a relationship and forget that I have been in one for the majority of my life.  I have actually been engaged in a love triangle with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit for over 15 years!  I must admit that it has been the most fulfilling relationship ever. They listen more than they speak, when they do speak it is of substance and extremely relevant, they lead me through rough times, and carry me when it gets to be too much.  I don’t know about you but I am willing to wait it out because the soul mate God has for me will be strategically designed by my Daddy who knows me best!

Dear Daddy,

Thank You for forcing me to realize that the only way that I will beat the Spring Fever blues is to counteract it with more of You.  You chose to stay in a relationship with me even when I chose otherwise and for that I am eternally grateful.  Please help me to keep my heart and mind focused on the love we have for each other and I’m certain this single thing will be a breeze.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Single gals, I EMPOWER you to shake that Spring Fever.  Instead of thinking of all the things you can do with a male counterpart, channel that energy to advance your “love affair” with God to a full blown LOVING relationship.  His feelings have been on the table for a while and it’s time for you to pour yours out as well.  Be Blessed 🙂

Single ladies, how are you beating the Spring Fever blues? Share it with us below.

_____________________________________________________________________

Ms. Latasha Sampson is an accomplished writer who is currently pursuing her Masters Degree in Human Resources Management.  She resides in Nashville, Tennessee where she is a faithful member of Mt. Zion Baptist Church. She serves tirelessly with the Evangelism Team there.  Latasha also works at Mt. Zion as a member of the Administrative Support Staff. Her favorite scripture is “No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn.” Isaiah 54:17

Relationships, Sex, Singleness, Soul Ties

Are You Settling?

In that day seven women will take hold of one man and say, “We will eat our own food and provide our own clothes; only let us be called by your name. Take away our disgrace!” Isaiah 4:1 NIV

As a single woman, I think it is imperative to do self-assessments, especially when you keep having troubled relationship experiences. Like the women in Isaiah’s time, what are you willing to provide in order for this man to “take away your disgrace”? Look at that text carefully; seven women will take hold of one man. Are you currently in a “relationship” with a man that you know is sleeping with or has several other women?? Let’s be real. We all know the “main chick” attitude. You know exactly what I mean: “Well, as long as he comes home to me, it doesn’t matter who he is out with.”  Even worse, are you in a non-relationship “relationship”? The relationship where a man is getting all the benefits (you know what I’m talking about), yet he won’t even give you the girlfriend title, not to mention the wife moniker?

Let me tell you a secret: I have been that woman, the woman I said I would never be. You know the woman who is in a relationship with a man, but it’s all in her own head. I thought a woman had to be the most gullible chick in the world to ever entertain such a thought. That is, until I became her. We all have been there, caught up in lust masquerading as love. And maybe for you it has developed into love, but for him it is still lust.

This is why God tells us in His Word, “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (I Corinthians 7:2-3 NIV). Sex is meant to bond you to a man. If you are not his wife, you are setting yourself up for heartache.  

Women of God, you are beautiful, you are matchless. The God of Heaven and Earth sacrificed His Son for you. He pursues you with an everlasting love. Why are you giving yourself to a man that does not value who you are? You are a princess from a line of royalty. You must not live like the unsaved women of the world. Do not sacrifice your spirit for a temporary situation. If that man is using you up and he is not planning (and showing action) of sharing a future with you, then why are you staying? 

If you are in a “relationship”, that has you stressed, worried, crying, and depressed, leave! And like the angel told Lot and His family “DON’T look back”.  As the writer in Song of Solomon cautions: Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires (Song Of Solomon 8:4 NIV). Don’t rush into a relationship or a so-called “relationship” because you no longer want to be single. Be patient and let God provide.  Don’t settle for less than what God has promised you!

Dear Daddy,

Please forgive me for losing focus of Your place in my life. Help me to do as Your Word says and, “Above all else guard my heart, for it is the well spring of life. (Proverbs 4:23) I thank You in advance for hearing and working on my behalf. Help me to show Your Love to other women who find themselves in this situation. Help me to not judge them Lord, but pray for wisdom, peace and Your perfect love in their lives. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Lovely Ladies of God, I EMPOWER you to take back your life from those who mean you no good. Ask the Lover of your Soul to heal and mend your broken heart. Even after years of settling, you can move on; you don’t have to look like the hell he’s put you through!

Ms. Renee` N. Chaffin is a single mother who has a heart for helping those less fortunate. She has been active in the non-profit sector, whether through volunteerism or professionally, for the past six years.  She is passionate about sharing the love of God, her testimony and empowering people to discover their true potential that was bestowed on them by King of the Universe. Renee` is currently pursuing a Master’s in Public Administration. While on her pursuit of higher education, she is on a seven year journey to challenge God to do ‘exceedingly and abundantly above all she can imagine’ in seven areas over the next seven years. Check out her journey at http://radical7even.wordpress.com. Her favorite scripture is I Peter 5:6: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”