Change, God's Grace, God's Love, Self Forgiveness, Testimony Series

My Testimony: It Is Okay To Fall Apart

Happy New Year EmpowerMoments family! We have surely missed you! As we kick off the new year, we are beginning with a series entitled “Testimonies & Lessons”. We believe Revelation 12:11 when it says that we overcome by the word of our testimonies. We pray that our testimony and lessons from last year will EMPOWER you to triumph this year! May God bless you and make 2014 the greatest year of your life thus far!

Last year, 2013, was an emotional one.  My heart, my mind and my soul felt like they were being bounced up and down on a seesaw continually because of my ups and downs.

My year was filled with many blessings; my family took my second youngest sister to college.  She is now my mom’s second child to attend college.  Last year became my third year being a homeowner.  Last year my mom and I had a fabulous mommy and daughter weekend retreat for her birthday.  Last year I finally got my driver’s license.  I made the decision to permanently close the door to my ex-boyfriend who wanted to try again at a relationship.  After much prayer, I started planning my future business.  My household gained a new member, my four-year old nephew, and I am having a ball with his smart, energetic self.

However, last year was filled with uncertainties, drama, challenges and pain too.  My family had to rush to another state because of a horrific accident that led to my precious youngest nephew having a head injury.  I was riddled with worry about my nephews and siblings.  My family struggled financially.  I had issues at work that left me feeling like I wanted to quit for the first time.  I also started back having anxiety attacks and more frequently.  I was an emotional wreck and as they say “was feeling some kind of way.”

Yet with all that God gave me one message that humbled me and made me afraid all at the same time.  He said “fall apart and let me put you back together again my way.”  Yes, FALL APART.  “You mean to tell me You want me to fall apart?” was my response.  It finally sunk in that all this time my anxiety and my fear is a failure to surrender myself FULLY to the Lord.  If you read my past EmpowerMoments, you would think that I would have gotten it by now.  However, I didn’t and my testimony is simply that I now understand that I can fall apart because God intended for me to rely and depend upon Him.  “I am the vine; you are the branches.  If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:5 NIV)  I can surrender, I can let go and God will put me back together again.  He will take care of me.  He will protect me.  He will provide for me.  He will never leave me, nor forsake me.  I learned that although things change around me and things look uncertain, God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and He is full of stability, consistency and faithfulness.  I also learned that in order to thrive and survive, I must remember that my life is not my own.  I belong to God, Jesus died for me, and the Holy Spirit abides in me.

Dear Daddy,

Thank You Father for seeing me through a year I thought I would not make it through sane, happy and sometimes alive.  I thank You for being patient with me.  You could have just flunked me after not getting what You have been trying to teach me for so long.  Thank You for showing me that You know what is best for me, have what is best for me and want the best for me.  I thank You for Your mercy and Your love that has never failed me.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Ladies, today I EMPOWER you to allow the test that lead to testimonies.  Allow the process that leads to a finished product and remember that God always finishes what He starts.  I also EMPOWER you to FULLY surrender.  If you feel like you are falling apart, trust God to put you back together with His Word, His Power, His Love and His Grace.  Ladies, both of my nephews are doing well.  My siblings have some testimonies of their own but they are doing just fine.  Honestly, I have had a few anxieties to date, but I am learning to control my emotions and trust God more.  My family may still have some struggles financially, but we have shelter, food, clothes and God who is a provider.  Hallelujah!   

I found this song that complements this message (if having trouble viewing, please click on the link):

____________________________________________________________

Ms. Tannika Moore loves the Lord and loves to write! Besides writing poetry or editing written work for family and friends, she currently works for NEIU Educational Talent Search program. She helps assist Chicago Public School students with their reading, writing, etc. as well as helps them consider and prepare for college. God, the Creator and Great Father has also created her to be a compassionate person and encourager  so she loves to encourage people according to God’s Word and help them to see, think and become better through her support, actions and writing. Her favorite scripture comes from Philippians 1:6, “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you shall perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Advertisements
Grief, Inspirational, Spiritual Therapy

Dear Mama

My post today is a little different. As Mother’s Day approaches this weekend, I would just like to send a letter to mine:

Gennell,

It’s hard to believe that it has been 10 years since you lost your battle with cancer. I was sitting here the other day thinking about us. I recalled something special that you told me and I smiled. I then began to think of all the great times we shared together. The lessons you taught me have stuck with me. Everyone tells me I’m just like you. I take it as a compliment and tell them that I can only wish to be half the woman that you were.

So many things happen in my life day in and day out that cause me to want to just pick up the phone and call you but I know I can’t. I remember being angry with God for a while. I was so upset that He allowed you to die. We had been through so much together for over 20 years. I needed you and I didn’t understand why He would take you away from me. I guess I was just being selfish. After holding all my anger and grief inside I finally let it go.

 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”            Matthew 5:4 NIV

I’m sorry for waiting 9 years to visit your grave. I just couldn’t do it. My heart was hurting so bad. I could not face the fact once again that you are really gone. Standing over that grave again made it all too real for me. With God’s help though, I am making it through! My heart will forever yearn for you. I will never let you go. The bond between a mother and her daughter is something that not even death can break.

I think perhaps the best thing you gave me is a foundation to build my life on, which is Christ Jesus. As I close this letter I am allowing the tears to fall, not in sadness but in joy knowing that one day I will see you again. You will forever be my hero. I vow to continue to live by the principles that you taught me and to live and love life.

I love you forever Mommy.

Your only daughter,

Shawna Rena’

Dear Daddy,

I ask that You continue to work on me. Continue to heal my heart. Please remove the veil of sorrow and sadness that seems to creep up on me. Cover me with Your love and provide comfort for me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Today I EMPOWER you to find the strength to ask GOD to HEAL your heart from the sadness of a loss. May He provide COMFORT to you and bring PEACE to your life.

Shawna Dix is a mother, educator, and all around child of God. She is passionate about God, her son Jalen, family, friends, and her students. She loves teaching because it allows her to shower our youth with love and guidance. She resides in Pentagon City, Virginia and works hard educating inner city youth in Washington DC. She prides herself in being a realist. She exclaims that she is in no way, shape, form, or fashion perfect but she has accepted that she serves a perfect God who is able to do ALL things!

Forgiveness, Growth/Maturity, Prayer, Relationships, Spiritual Therapy

Pierced.

I entitled this blog “Pierced” because that’s how I felt after God gave me the topic…Forgiveness.

This is such an ouchy topic for me. After all, I live up to my “Scorpio” tagged personality and birthday symbol proudly. Burn me once and I will sting you to death. Now this is very drastic, but I once (Praise God) had a very strong issue with forgiveness. As a teenager and young adult, my tough exterior covered a soft, emotional, heart on her sleeve kind of girl. I am writing to share with you not just my stories of unforgiveness, but “OUR” stories of unforgiveness: the man we will never forgive because he cheated on us; the best friend that slept with our boyfriend; the friend that told your most esteemed secret; the person you don’t like “just because;” the friend’s boyfriend we will always hate because he did our best friend wrong; and let’s not get on husbands!!!

We all have our own events ingrained in our memory of people we can’t forgive. I have often masked my forgiveness with excuses like, “I can forgive, but I will NEVER forget,” (as the fangs hang and the horns arise).  My all-time favorite, “I’m cordial, I just don’t fool with her like that anymore.” One day God was dealing with me about a friend that I felt scorched me one time too many. During chastisement in worship He brought to my memory Matthew 18: 21-22, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

As if that wasn’t enough, he also reminded me “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14)  I literally felt as if I had been hit with a ton of bricks.

The Bible teaches about Joseph’s 11 brothers plotting to kill him because he was favored. They found him, stripped him of his clothing, and threw him in a waterless pit. (Genesis 38). But get this, about 12 chapters later, Joseph shows us forgiveness. He says to his brothers, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.”  (Genesis 50: 19-21) Joseph knew that only God can judge and to be seen righteous in the eyes of God he had to forgive. He “let it go.”

Forgiveness is all about letting go. FORGIVENESS IS NOT FOR THEM, IT’S FOR YOU. Forgiveness releases a burden off of you. When we don’t forgive those that have hurt us, we give them the power to change our attitude when they come around. They can make us “act” a certain way. Hmm, that’s a lot of power you just “gave” to someone.

I had to learn, when you truly forgive someone, you are able to be around him or her without anger flaring on the inside. Yes, you may remember the incident, but the anger shouldn’t resurface. I had to ask God for forgiveness and to teach me how to deal with those that treated me wrongly. I began to see that love really does conquer all (I Peter 4:8). Many times those that did you wrong did so because they did not understand the true definition of love.

Dear Daddy,

I want to release the baggage of unforgiveness I have been holding all of these years. I want to be free in You. As I start, God please forgive me of my sins and teach me how to forgive others. The pain and anger is so deep that I don’t know where to begin. Guide my heart Lord so that my heart can forgive. Make my ears and eyes sensitive to Your direction.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

My sister, I EMPOWER you today to think about that “thing or person” that has you bound because you can’t forgive. Declare today to be the day that you will stop carrying this baggage. You will love them with the love of Christ until He creates in you a clean heart and a renewed spirit. (Psalms 51:10)

As a professional, Mrs. Khalilah Burton is College Biology Instructor. She is also currently pursuing a Doctorate of Education in Higher Ed and Community College Leadership. Khalilah is passionate about her faith journey and uses this key scripture as her inspiration: “But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” Hebrews 11:6.  She teaches Young Adult Bible Study and Sunday School and also serves as a guest speaker and panelist for various events for women and Christian empowerment.  Khalilah resides in Huntsville, Alabama with her wonderful husband Donald Burton, Jr. and their energetic three year old daughter where they attend St. Luke Christian Church.